


Not About Us

by galapagos



Category: Dragon Age II
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, F/M, Lots of Inner Monolgue, Non-Canon Relationship, Non-Canonical Character Death, Single POV
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-02
Updated: 2015-09-02
Packaged: 2018-04-18 15:10:35
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 26,393
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4710485
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/galapagos/pseuds/galapagos
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Varric's life changes when he enters a business deal with a Ferelden named Hawke.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A Business Deal

Varric shot the thief who had lifted Hawke’s purse through the the shoulder of his tunic. The crossbow bolt pinned him to the wall without even scratching the young man.

“You aren’t skilled enough to be working Hightown sonny. Besides, we don’t steal from ladies who can kill us," he winked at the kid as he wrenched the bolt out of the wall and took the purse.

_The kid did a good job, he even looked scared to death! I’ll have to give him a bonus._

Varric grinned as he sauntered over to Hawke. She’d had quite the reputation for someone who’d only been in Kirkwall for a year. Varric had her followed for a few days and had seen the reputation was well deserved, she got results. But the first thing he’d noticed was she was much shorter than he’d expected. She was only a few inches taller than him, which was very short indeed for a human.

He handed her the purse and spun the bolt nonchalantly. “Varric Tethras at your service. Sorry about Bartrand, he wouldn’t know an opportunity if it hit him square in the jaw.”

“But you would?” her voice was soft and level as she looked him over.

Honestly, if he wasn’t sure she was _the_ Hawke he wouldn’t believe it.

_She looked all of twelve from a distance, though she was probably closer to twenty-two. The kid looked a bit pale but her skin was olive toned and lightly frecked. Her honey colored hair was cropped but it was still just long enough to fall in her eyes. Those eyes were large and disturbingly blue. In fact, they were lyrium blue. Hawke’s face was small and delicate with slightly gaunt cheeks. The kid didn’t look like she ate enough, she probably didn’t. She was wearing dark makeup around her eyes to disguise her dark circles and a stripe of red paint across her nose. Hawke was rather a pretty girl in an odd way._

_Her clothes were dark, simple, and more that a little shabby: coat, shirt, leggings, and boots. She had two daggers at her belt, a knife in her boot, and a short spear with a long blade. The overall effect was of a delicate young woman carrying weapons to scare off potential attackers. That effect was dispelled as soon as you saw her fight. She was quite the fighter. Hawke had the grace of a cat and the ferocity of a high dragon._

_Wow. I’m getting way too into this Hard in Hightown thing..._

Varric shook his head slightly at himself. He tended to get too carried away creating narrative. But he was an author, so at least it was part of his job.

“I would! My brother doesn't realize it but we need someone like you,” he grinned at her, she frowned. He’d hoped his genial charm would work but he’d seen how serious she was, so he continued giving her the details. “Look, my brother would never admit it, he’s too proud, but I’m practical so I’ll level with you. We need a partner, a business partner. Someone who not only can get things done but who can invest some more money in this venture.”

“Why me?”

She didn’t seem to be one for excess word.

“You’ve built quite the reputation as someone who can get things done over the last year. Anthenril’s smuggling business took off after they hired you.” Varric tilted his head and smiled, exuding charm, “The name Hawke is on many lips these days, not bad for a Ferelden fresh off the boat.”

“How much would I be expected to invest?”

_She is all business._

“Fifty sovereigns,” Varric watched for reaction but her face looked blank.

“It’ll take me a while...” she looked at him steadily, “How much percentage am I getting?”

“You’re putting up a fifth of the money, you get 20%.”

“I get that in writing?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Of course,” he grinned, he was starting to like her. She had a good head on her shoulders.

“Done. Only, it will take me a while to collect the money.”

“No rush, we’re no where near ready to go. There is one more thing, we need to get a map.” Varric motioned for her to follow him and he lead her out of Hightown. He lead her towards the Hanged Man as he explained, “We can’t go into the Deep Roads blind. We need to have a good entrance. One close to someplace that isn’t too picked over. Word is there’s a former Gray Warden hiding out in Darktown. We need to find him and see if he can give us a map.”  

“I think he runs a free clinic for the poor and refugees,” Hawke looked thoughtful for a moment, “I’m not sure where he is, but we can ask at the refugee center in Lowtown.”

They walked in silence the rest of the way to the Hanged Man. He lead her up to his suite so they could talk in private, Norah brought them both ale but Hawke didn’t drink hers.

“I think if we’re going to be working together we should know a little more about each other.”

Hawke looked at him, an eyebrow raised slightly. She was sitting comfortably even though the chairs were designed for dwarves.

“Not much to tell about me,” Varric continued since Hawke didn’t say anything. “My family are merchants. I’m a younger son, born here in Kirkwall. I’m supposed to sit around idly, maybe get married off to some wealthy lady, but I prefer to live a little and get into Bartrand’s business.”

“You’re also an author,” Hawke’s lips twitched ever so slightly.

_She’s heard of me. Interesting._

“I am. I’ve published a few things that have done moderately well. I have a crime drama in the works too. But enough about me, what about you?”

“I think you probably already know everything, your people have been following me for about a week.”

_So she had noticed. Very interesting._

“I’m from Ferelden, left because of the Blight. Ended up here.” she shrugged. “My mother’s from Kirkwall originally. She and I are staying with my uncle.” Her lips pursed slightly.

Varric couldn’t help but ask questions. “Just the two of you? No other family?”

“No.” Hawke was quiet for a while then added. “I... had a younger brother and sister, but they’re both gone. My father passed some years ago.”

_She clammed up tight. The pain evident in her face... Andraste’s ass, quit narrating Tethras!_

It did explain a lot. He knew she and her mother lived with an uncle in a hovel near the Alienage but Varric hadn’t known Hawke had siblings.There had also been some rumors that Hawke was an apostate, but none of his people had seen evidence of magic and she didn’t dress like an apostate. They always seemed to go for the grunge and feathers look.

“Well, I’m available whenever you need someone to back you up on a job. With two of us we’ll be able to get the money together faster too. Do you have any plans?”

Hawke nodded, “I have an acquaintance in the city guards, she might have some work for me. I’m also going find out about this warden of yours,” she stood, then hesitated a moment, “Do you want to come?”

“Delighted,” he grinned, “Bianca’s itching for a fight.”

Hawke turned, confused, “Bianca?”

“My crossbow,” he stroked Bianca lovingly.

“You named your crossbow Bianca?” she gave him a funny look then said, “That’s...” she almost smiled at him again, her lips actually twitched up enough this time for Varric to see she had dimples in her cheeks. They made her look even younger. But it passed quickly, “Mmmm. Let’s go, lots to do.”


	2. Finding a Map

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke and Varric set out to get a map of the Deep Roads.

A mage, presumably the Gray Warden Anders, was healing a young boy when they entered the clinic that night. Hawke stood politely to one side, having closed the door quietly behind them, waiting until he was done. The mage looked about Bartrand’s age but was tall and handsome with long blonde hair tied back in a ponytail and just a hint of scruff.

_Now this is an apostate. He even has the grungy feathered outfit!_

They waited several minutes while the mage passed his hands back and forth over the unconscious child, a bright blue light coming from them. Suddenly, the boy gasped and sat up his eyes opening. A lady, presumably his mother clutched him in a hug and the boy’s father thanked the mage profusely, supporting him a little as he slumped. The mage seemed to recover enough to stand on his own fairly quickly, though his head was still bowed, and the family left.

There wasn’t anyone else waiting to see the healer so Hawke stepped forward. But before she could say anything the mage grabbed his staff and spun hand outstretched, electricity flickering over his palm.

“I have made this place a sanctum of healing and salvation. Why do you threaten it?” he half shouted. His eyes seemed to glow blue for a moment then turned back to brown. Varric hoped it was a trick of the light.

Hawke blinked, “I didn’t threaten anything. You just threatened me.”

Varric was going to have to write that one down.

_She was as cold as ice facing down the angry apostate. “I didn’t threaten anything. You just threatened me.”_

_Oh yeah, good stuff. I’ll have to use that one._

“Oh,” the mage said dropping his hands, his posture relaxing, “Um, sorry?” He looked down at Hawke then to Varric. “Err, why are you here then?”

_Maybe I’ll leave the confused apology out._

“You’re Anders, right? We’re interested in getting into Deep Roads, rumor has it you were a warden. Do you know of a way?” Varric asked, turning on the charm.

Anders looked at Varric then at Hawke then back to Varric.

“Did the wardens send you to bring me back?” he asked eyes narrowed and arms crossed, “Because I’m not going back. Those bastards made me get rid of my cat. Poor Ser Pounce-a-lot. He hated the Deep Roads.”

He was quite a young man, probably not much older than Hawke, Varric realized. He was just very tired which made him look older.

“You had a cat. In the Deep Roads,” Hawke said flatly, her mouth was slightly open.

“He was a gift, a noble beast,” a wistful expression came over the ex-Warden’s face as he smiled into the middle distance, “He was almost ripped in half by a genlock once. Scratched the bugger right on the nose. Drew blood too.”

“Okay,” said Hawke. Her eyes were slightly wider than normal, as if she were preparing to make a break for it at any moment.

“The blighted wardens said he made me too soft. I had to give him to a friend in Amaranthine,” Anders continued, “I wish I’d been able to get him before I left and came here.”

“I thought joining the Wardens was for life?” Varric asked. Hawke nodded in agreement.

“Well, yes and no. Some things, like being forever tainted by the darkspawn and nightmares about archdemons, don’t go away. But if you hide well enough, you don’t have to wear the uniform or go to the parties.”

He shot Hawke a slightly flirtatious smile. It didn’t seem to register with her, not that Varric could really tell.

“We really aren’t here to make you go back to the wardens,” Hawke stated, “We just want any information you have on the Deep Roads. We are willing to pay or trade for it. It’s quite important.”

“No, no,” Anders shook his head, Hawke turned to leave. “Wait,” he said, “I would be a happy man if I never had to think about the blighted Deep Roads again, but maybe a favor for a favor? I have a Warden’s map of the depths in this area.”

She was good at this negotiation thing. Or, Varric conceded, maybe just lucky that this guy was so desperate.

“What kind of favor?” Hawke asked suspiciously.

“I have a friend, a prisoner in the wretched Gallows. I came here to free him but I’m afraid the Templars have learned of my plan. Help me free him and the map is yours.”

“You want us to break someone out of the Gallows?” Varric asked.

Anders looked down at him, he looked like he’d forgotten the dwarf was there.

“Not exactly, we’ve arranged to meet in the Chantry at night in three days. Come with me to meet Karl and get him out, that’s all I ask.”  

_This does not sound good._

Hawke and Varric exchanged a look. Hawke raised an eyebrow questioningly and Varric shrugged, then she sighed.

“Fine. When and where do you want us to meet you?”

“Midnight, at the Chantry in three days,” Anders said excitedly.

Hawke sighed again. “That’s a terrible plan. The guard changes on the hour in front of the Chantry. How about ten minutes after 12.”

It was Ander’s turn to blink at Hawke. “Okay,” he said slowly, “Ten minutes after midnight.”

_The kid is no amateur even if she doesn’t look like a professional._

Hawke shook the man’s hand then they left.

“Good job kid,” Varric said, smiling at her.

“Don’t call me kid,” she replied levelly. “He wasn’t that hard to deal with,” she continued with a small shrug, he’d noticed it was a habit of hers, “I must say he did get a little creepy about the cat though.”

“Yeah, animals are fine and all, but that was borderline cult worship,” Varric grinned, “Shall we get an early start in the morning?”

Hawke nodded and they decided on a time. It was much too early for Varric, but he didn’t complain. Well, he didn’t complain as much as he could have. Then he insisted on walking Hawke to her uncle’s house and Hawke objected much. In fact, she didn’t seem to ever say anything much. Varric thought about that as he headed back to the Hanged Man.

She seemed to be such a morose little thing. Maybe morose wasn’t quite the right word. Varric wasn’t sure. Little was certainly the right word though, she was only a slightly taller than him and she was thin and scrawny. And so quiet. The Hawke from the stories he had heard should be a large, boisterous woman.

Maybe it would help him to get a better read on her if he met her family. She hadn’t said anything about them other than what she’d told him when they talked at the Hanged Man earlier. She’d let him prattle on about his cousins and brother though. He’d talked a lot, trying to fill the silence. It hadn’t been a comfortable silence, just a silent one.


	3. A Little Backstory

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric finds out a little more about Hawke.

Varric knocked on Hawke’s door. She opened it almost immediately and let him in. It was only a little after sunrise but she was already dressed. The place was a dump. A middle aged woman, Hawke’s mother obviously, was cooking something in a pot and her uncle was sitting at the small table grumbling. He looked like he was hung over and unused to being up at this hour. A giant mabari came up to greet Varric.

“That’s Reg. I’m going to bring him with us today,” Hawke said as she put her coat on.

Her uncle grumbled some more under his breath, something about good riddance, but Hawke ignored him. She ignored a lot of things.

Her mother said, “Be careful Lutetiana.” Then turned back to the pot.

“Goodbye mother,” Hawke replied. She crossed the room and gave the woman an awkward, little hug, “I’ll be home late. After dinner, so don’t hold it for me.”

Her mother just nodded. Hawke sighed and ushered Varric and Reg out the door. There didn’t seem to be much love lost between them, but the mother had the same wan look and dark circles as the daughter. The uncle was a obviously an old drunk.

“Sorry about that. Mother hasn’t been the same since, well, Carver and Bethany died. She needs some more time I guess,” Hawke said after a few minutes.

“It’s ok,” Varric said.

Carver and Bethany. Now he had names. They couldn’t have been very old. He knew they were younger than Hawke and she in her early twenties. Varric looked closer. He would guess Hawke was about twenty-one.

_She’s just a kid. It’s kind of like being an uncle since I’m so much older._

Varric was twenty-six.

“I must ask though, Lutetiana?”

_What a ridiculous name._

Hawke kept walking but answered the question, “It’s part of the proper name for Enchanter’s Nightshade, a small flowering plant that grows all over Ferelden. Mother thought it was pretty.” Hawke shrugged, “I go by Hawke. For obvious reasons.”

Varric would too.

“Fair enough. So, what’s the plan for today?”

Hawke explained that in addition to meeting Aveline, they also had to go to Sundermount to meet the Dalish sometime in the next few days.

“Why do we have to see the Dalish?”

“I promised to deliver something to them from Ferelden. I couldn’t before because I wasn’t allowed outside the city except for business until my year’s service was up,” she shrugged, “But I promised, so I need to do it.”

“How did you end up promising to be a delivery girl for the Dalish?" Varric’s curiosity was peaked.

“Not for the Dalish, for Flemeth. The Witch of the Wilds. She quite literally swooped down from the sky and saved us from the Darkspawn. She was a dragon at the time,” Hawke was deadly serious.

Varric’s jaw dropped.

“Wait, you’re telling me you came to Kirkwall on dragon back?”

Hawke shook her head, “No, she showed us the way through the Wilds. We crossed them on foot then took a boat.”

“But if a dragon saved you how....” Varric stopped. He shouldn’t be asking this, he didn’t know the woman well enough yet. And even if he did, what an insensitive thing to ask!

“How did Bethany and Carver die?” Hawke’s voice was flat, “There was an ogre. Carver charged it before anyone could stop him. The thing killed him with one blow. Bethany snapped and went after it. She was hit too. I managed to take it down while Aveline kept the other darkspawn busy, but we were getting overwhelmed. That’s when Flemeth stepped in.”

_She blames herself. But how the hell was that her fault?_

Then everything she said sunk in.

_Andraste’s flowered panties, she killed an ogre. By herself._

Varric didn’t know, but he would bet a year’s bar tab that was a big part of the problem between her and her mother. They both blamed Hawke for her younger siblings’ deaths.

_Shit. And I thought I had family problems._

Hawke continued, “Aveline had to kill her husband, Ser Wesley, since he was tainted by the Blight and wouldn’t survive. We then had to physically drag mother halfway through the Wilds. It was at least a week before she would speak. Flemeth burned their bodies for us with dragon fire, so at least we didn’t have to worry about the corpses. But that’s cold comfort when your family has just been killed,” Hawke shrugged and stopped talking again.

It was the most Varric had ever heard her say in one go.

_Shit._

****

Rescuing Guardsman Donnic had been easier than Varric had expected. He and Hawke fought well together. She was fast and good with her strange little spear which she used as combination quarterstaff and pike.

Aveline was furious that the guards had been set up by their own captain but neither he nor Hawke were surprised. Especially after his display earlier during the day. They promised Aveline to come by first thing in the morning to give their testimony to Seneschal Bran.

Aveline went to make sure Donnic, who Varric was sure she quite liked, got back safely. He and Hawke went towards her home. They were walking in silence when Hawke cleared her throat.

“Um, sorry for unloading on you earlier,” she said softly.

“It’s ok, Hawke. That’s what friends are for,” he grinned.

She looked at him then looked around as if she was afraid someone was listening in, “Varric there is, um, one more thing I - I really need to tell you. Could we talk privately, at your place?”

“Sure,” Varric had to admit he was a little intrigued by this pronouncement.

They headed to the Hanged Man and went upstairs. Reg followed and lay by the fireplace to nap. Norah came bustling through bringing them ale and late night stew before hurrying off. Hawke waited a few moments eating her stew quickly before she spoke, making sure they were alone.

“I’m an apostate,” she said quietly.

“Really?” Varric asked.

He’d dismissed the rumors he’d heard over the last few days. Nothing he’d heard had been trustworthy sources and he hadn’t seen her use magic once. It did explain the spear she used despite her rogue abilities.

She nodded then held out her hand and a small flame popped into existence in her palm. She let it hang there for a moment before it disappeared again, “I thought it was only right to tell you.”

“Well, I’ll be a nug’s uncle. How come you don’t use it when you fight?”

“Because I’d rather not be dragged off to the Circle,” Hawke shrugged, “I only resort to visible magic in emergencies. I use a little force magic on occasion, nothing big, but usually I don’t have to, I trained as a rogue.” She hesitated then added, “My father and sister were apostates as well. Kirkwall has a bad reputation for it templars, so I’d like to keep this as quiet as possible.”

Hawke was serious.

_Though, when was she not serious?_

“Of course,” he nodded and patted her hand.

“Thank you.”

“If it’s confession time, you should know I’m a horrible liar,” Varric added in a stage whisper.

She nodded curtly but added, “Actually, you’re a pretty good liar.”

Hawke and her dog left.

_That was a joke! I didn’t know she had it in her._

Varric decided to make Hawke his new mission.

****

Someone was pounding on his head.

“What? Go away,” Varric moaned buried his head under his pillow.

The pounding came again. Someone was pounding not on his head, but on his door.

Then he heard someone moving towards him and shaking him gently.

“Varric, you have to get up,” a horrible, nasty voice said.

_Well, maybe it wasn’t the voice that was so nasty, maybe it was just the hour._

“Get up,” the voice repeated.

“Hawke?” Varric asked, emerging from his hiding place to peek up at her. It was indeed Hawke standing next to his bed.

_Dressed and tidy and everything. Blast._

She was peering at him from under her hair.

“It’s too early,” he groaned trying to dive under his pillow again. She snatched it away.

“No it isn’t, you need to get moving. We’re supposed to be at the Viscount’s keep in less than an hour.”

“Fine. But let me get dressed in peace,” he got up and Hawke headed downstairs.

It didn’t take him too long, though he took a few minutes to shave before dressing. Hawke was sitting at a small table. There was a cup of tea, bacon, eggs, and a small plate of toast in front of the seat across from her.

“Norah brought you breakfast,” she said, “You have a few minutes to eat.”

“You could have something too,” he said, smiling.

“You don’t have to keep buying me food,” she shook her head, “I’ll pay you back for the stew last night too.”

“Andraste’s tits Hawke, you weigh about 80 pounds soaking wet. If that! You don’t eat enough and I don’t mind.” Varric was saddened by her solemnity, it didn't seem right. He give her his most charming smile, “I mean it, that’s what friends do. Or if you prefer to keep our relationship purely professional, count this as a business breakfast on the firm.”

“You really mean it,” she said staring at him. Her too blue eyes were confused, “You don’t even really know me.”

“I know enough,” he flagged Norah down and pointed at his plate, she nodded and had another in front of Hawke in a moment.

He smiled at Hawke then popped a huge bite of egg into his mouth. She took a deep breath and tucked in too.

 

 


	4. A Daring Rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric and Hawke meet with Anders to rescue Karl.

Aveline was now guard captain so he and Hawke had decided to help the warden rescue his mage pal on their own. They couldn’t bring her in on this so early in her tenure. Besides, they should be more than able to handle any trouble that might arise with Reg tagging along.

They arrived at the Chantry slightly before the appointed time. Anders popped out of the shadows. He was still wearing the ugly feathered coat.

“You’re here! Good,” his voice an excited whisper, “Let’s get Karl.”

Every nerve in Varric’s body screamed _‘TRAP!’_ as they headed through the deserted Chantry. When they went of the stairs to the appointed meeting place, Varric elbowed Hawke and gestured: _‘Keep your eyes open’_.

She nodded and gripped her spear-staff tightly.

The mage was standing right where he was supposed to be but Varric's internal warning bell was still blaring. Something was off.

“Karl!” Anders said approaching the man. He turned and the ex-warden recoiled. Karl had been made tranquil.

“I was too dangerous Anders. The templars fixed me, they’ll fix you too.”

Templars emerged from hidden doors around them. Anders began to cry then collapsed to the ground. Varric would have thought it was despair except he was glowing blue and a black mist was swirling around him.

Anders rose. His eye burned with a blue light. It wasn’t Anders any longer.

“You will never hurt another mage again!” he cried, his voice sounded hollow and echoed slightly.

_Shit. Why is nothing ever easy?_

The fight didn’t take too long. Varric, Hawke, and Reg could hold their own even outnumbered and the Thing-formerly-known-as-Anders was ripping through templars like mad. When they had finished them off, the light faded from the mage and he was normal again.

“Anders, what did you do?” Karl said, he sounded and looked normal too, “It’s like you brought a bit of the Fade here.” He grabbed his friend’s arm in desperation, “You have to kill me. Being tranquil is not life, it’s - it’s like all the color and music are gone from the world. Kill me while I’m still me.”

“No, Karl. No!” Anders was starting to weep again.

“Do it,” said Hawke, “If you can’t, I will.”

“No,” Ander’s pulled himself together, “I’ll - I’ll do it.”

“Quickly!” Karl said in a panic, “It’s fading.”

Ander’s stepped forward drawing a knife. Hawke and Varric turned, not wanting to watch.

“Anders why are you looking at me like that?” Karl asked.

Then they heard him collapse. Varric looked up at Hawke. There were tears falling down her cheeks. She wiped them away quickly.

“Let’s go, before more templars come,” Hawke led them out.

They snuck back into Darktown using a convoluted back route meant to lose anyone who might try to follow. It took nearly an hour to get back to Ander’s clinic. They followed him in.

“I think I owe you an explanation,” he said, locking the doors from the inside.

“Yes,” said Hawke, “You’re possessed.”

“It isn’t like that, it’s a spirit of Justice I met trapped outside the Fade,” Anders explained.

_Sounds exactly like possession to me._

He went on telling a convoluted story of how he’d met this spirit and helped it. Their plan was to help mages but his anger had warped the spirit. Varric thought it was pretty obvious that this had been a terrible idea to start with.

“Justice?” Hawke said at the end, her arms crossed and her voice cold.

Anders looked like he was going to object but stopped.

“It’s my fault. There is no way to separate us now,” he looked down at his feet, “I would like to help you. You’ve been… very kind to me even if I didn’t deserve it.”

Hawke looked at him then sighed, “We all deserve a chance. I am sorry about your friend.”

The young man smiled sadly, “Thank you. I’ll be here whenever you need me.”

 

 


	5. An Argument with an Elf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke meets Fenris.

“You’re a mage. I saw you cast spells in there,” the angry elf, Fenris, was very angry, “You’re friend there is a mage too.” He pointed to Anders

Anders was looking, partially excited partially shocked, from the angry elf to Hawke. Anders had just put two and two together and come up with mage. It had taken him long enough to figure it out. He’d lost his pony tail at some point and now he was brushing the long, blonde hair out of his face. Varric had decided Blondie would be a good nickname for him.

Aveline was scowling. She was very fond of Hawke and quite protective.

“Yes. I’m a mage. Is that an issue? You never asked,” Hawke was keeping her voice level. She had a lot of self control. Maybe too much.

“Mages made me the way I am. Danarius burned this lyrium into my skin and me this monster. I was a slave, what choice did I have?” The elf was yelling at Hawke now, getting right in her face.

Hawke narrowed her eyes, “Was I there? Did I do anything to you but help you? Did I get a choice in being a mage?” Her voice was starting to raise in volume too, her pent up anger being released on the screaming elf.

_Maybe not as much self control as I thought._

“Not a good place for this,” Varric said, but no one listened.

“You arrogant little prick. If you act like a monster now, it’s because you choose to. No one is forcing you to do anything, you've escaped! And what about that caution you were talking about before you rushed in there and started screaming your head off? That was reckless! You could have gotten yourself and us killed!” She crossed her arms. “I also saved you, so you’re welcome!” She began to stomp away.

The wiry elf looked shocked that she’d yelled back.

“Wait," he said.

She ignored him and he grabbed her shoulder. Hawke grabbed the elf’s wrist and flipped him over her onto the ground.

Everyone froze.

The elf was the first to move and he actually chuckled softly. “That was... quite impressive. For someone your size.”

_Seems he doesn’t know how to give a compliment._

He sat up but didn’t rise yet. Hawke looked at him sitting on the cobblestones for a moment then offered a hand. She hauled him up. Aveline looked like a proud mother.

“I’m sorry, I sound ungrateful. I am not. You... surprised me,” he said, his tone really did sound apologetic, “Here is all the coin I have, for your help...” He pushed a small coinpurse towards Hawke.

“If you give me all the coin you have, how are you going to live?” Hawke replied. She was always so logical, Varric squelched a chuckle of his own.

She fished in the bag and took a few coins then returned the rest.

“But you were in danger and I tricked you,” Fenris objected. "I owe you."

“Would you be interested in working with me?” Hawke asked, ignoring the objection.

“What?”

“I’m offering you a job, of sorts. We pick up odd jobs here and there and split profits. We could use someone like you and you could use the money. The work is often dangerous and isn’t always pleasant,”Varric snorted, Hawke ignored him too, “but it pays fairly well.”

_The work is always dangerous and never pleasant._

The man nodded thoughtfully, “My sword is yours. I will be here whenever you need me.”

_Seems like people are always telling Hawke that. Particularly handsome, young, single men._

 

 


	6. A New Friend and a Funeral

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gang continue to grow.

“I’m Merrill. But you probably already know that. What’s your name. Oh! It isn’t rude to ask a human their name, is it?” the young Dalish woman asked, anxiously.

Hawke stood open mouthed, looking up at the girl. Even the little Dalish elf was taller than she.

“No,” she managed, “I’m Hawke.” She pointed to each of her companions, “This is Varric, Anders, and Fenris.”

Hawke leaned towards the girl just a little and sniffed, she stiffened slightly when she stood straight. She looked down at Varric, he could see by her expression something was wrong but she shook her head. Something was very wrong.

_Luckily, Broody and Blondie are too busy bickering to notice._

“You know what needs to be done with this?” Hawke’s voice didn’t betray her worry as she held up the amulet.

“Oh yes,” the girl assured them smiling like a little ray of sunshine, “It’s a funeral of sorts. Just a short ceremony to send the soul on. It won’t take long.”

She looked like she was going to continue but Hawke cut her off, though not unkindly.

“Okay Merrill, let's get going then shall we?” Hawke gave the girl a quick half smile and began to walk up the mountain path next to her.

Hawke kept glancing back at Varric. She looked furtive. It was making Varric nervous. They met another Dalish elf at the pass.

“So you’re taking her away. Good riddance and good luck to you shem. You’ll need it with that,” he spat at Merrill’s feet.

Hawke closed her eyes.

“You'll see. I’ll save our people,” Merrill shouted after him. Hawke grabbed the girl’s arm gently and led her farther up the path.

“What was that about?” Varric asked quietly, falling in step beside them. Anders and Fenris were behind, still bickering.

Hawke just shook her head, “Not now.”

“My clan doesn’t appreciate my efforts to help them regain some of our lost history,” Merrill said.

“The intentions may be good, but...” Hawke said very quietly, “but this is not the time to discuss this.”

Hawke knew what was going one and she wasn’t telling him. Varric didn’t like this at all. They had only known each other three weeks, well four if you counted the week he’d spent spying on her, but he’d already become attached. He liked Hawke and whatever had her worried, worried him too. He wondered if the little elf girl reminded Hawke of her sister, Bethany. Was that part of the problem? Varric didn’t know, but he sure as hell didn’t like this.

Merrill lead them through some caves since the path had been blocked by an avalanche. There were a few animated skeleton to put down but nothing major. Merrill used some kind of nature magic that sheathed herself in rocks and punched her way through the skeletons. Then she stepped out looking fresh as a daisy. She’d be quite the addition to their misfit band.

Varric finally found out what had been worrying Hawke when they reached the elvhen burial ground. It was blocked by some kind of magic gate. Merrill stepped up to it happily and drew a knife then made a quick cut across her forearm and cast a spell to take down the gate using her own blood.

 _Blood magic. It had to be blood magic_. _Hawke must have smelled the blood on the girl. Maybe seen fresh cuts on her arms. Shit. That’s why she was so nervous._

The barrier came down and Merrill turned to them. Fenris and Anders were fuming. It was the first time they’d ever agreed on anything but now they were agreeing with a vengeance.

“She’s a blood mage Hawke!”

_Broody cried._

“An abomination!”

_Blondie added._

Fenris didn’t even take the chance to say it took on to know one. Varric was shocked and appalled.

“I know what I’m doing,” said Merrill, “I’m not going to let myself be possessed.”

“That’s what they all say!” Anders and Fenris both rounded on the girl.

“Enough,” said Hawke, stepping between the three, “We can discuss this later. Right now we need to be done with this thing.”

She strode through the stone pillars that were the only remnants of the barrier. Varric followed closely. The other three followed at a short distance.

”You knew?” he asked. Not accusingly, he just wanted to confirm his suspicions.

“I suspected,” Hawke relied. “Not my first blood mage. She reeks of blood, and she had fresh cuts on her arms she was trying to cover when we first walked up.”

“The ancestors used to come here to slip into the eternal, peaceful dream of Uthenerea,” Merrill said behind them, “They sleep peacefully no more, we should be careful.”

“The veil is thin here,” Anders added.

Hawke nodded and headed towards the altar at the far end of the small graveyard. They were almost there when a revenant and a horde of corpses popped up. They fought them off but it was a close call. Hawke even cast a small storm of lightning during the battle. When it was done, Merrill rushed up.

“Oh, you’re a mage too!” she sounded delighted.

“Not like you," Fenris spat and Anders nodded in agreement.

“Stop,” Hawke said glancing at the two men. “Can you start the ceremony please Merrill?”

Varric watched Hawke, she looked tired. Her dark circles seemed to be getting bigger by the hour. Over the two weeks since he’d first known her, she’d never been out having fun. She only left that horrid little hovel of Gamlen’s to work or go to the market to get supplies. Of course, they worked 80% of their time.

Suddenly, an old woman appeared. Varric took a step back and aimed Bianca at her but Hawke had stepped forwards arms crossed. “Flemeth. So I was carrying you all this time?”

The exchange between Hawke and the witch, Flemeth, was weird. It seems the witch had put part of her soul in the amulet and it could only be released using the Dalish ritual.

_This is some freaky wierd shit. Hawke hadn’t known, had she? No. She hadn’t, she’s covering her surprise well though. Damn, she can play it cool._

Flemeth laughed then said something low that only Hawke could hear.

Then Flemeth stepped back so that she was at the edge of the cliff and said in a louder voice, “We stand upon the precipice of change. The world fears the inevitable plummet into the abyss. Watch for that moment.. and when it comes, do not hesitate to leap. It is only when you fall that you learn whether you can fly.”

Then she turned into a dragon and flew away.

_No shit, she turned into a dragon and flew away. She bloody flew away._

Hawke let Merrill lead them back down the path. Fenris and Anders were in the middle, squabbling as usual. He was starting to think of them as Broody and Blondie, the B-Twins. Which was, of course, short for the Bitching Twins.

He and Hawke took up the rear, “She turned into a dragon, Hawke. An actual dragon.”

“She does that,” Hawke said seriously, “You should put it in a story. ‘No shit. She turned into a dragon and flew away’. It’d be good.”

Varric chuckled, she’s voiced his exact thoughts. They went the rest of the way undisturbed. When they arrived back in the camp, Hawke gave the amulet to Keeper Marethari.

“She’s free,” she said simply.

“Your debt is paid then child. I give you my blessing as well,” Marethari took Hawke’s hand, “But I must ask you a favor. Will you take Merrill with you? And look after her. Her path is a different one than ours.”

Hawke nodded, “I’ll try to look after her.”

“Thank you, child. Go in peace, and if you should ever need my help, you’ve only to ask.”


	7. A Good Cry

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke finally breaks down.

They’d left Merrill at the Alienage. She’d already arranged for a place to live via a letter from the Keeper. She’s asked Hawke to visit, which Hawke had agreed to despite objections from the B-Twins. She’d ignored them as usual and sent them both off home. She and Varric had a quick word with a few people in the Alienage, arranging for them to help Merrill get her new house in order and keep an eye on her. Then, Hawke headed towards home.

Only, Hawke didn’t go home. When they reached her house, she kept right on walking and went to the Hanged Man with Varric. She went to the bar and ordered two shots of whiskey, both of which she drank in one. Then, she sat down at a table and put her head in her hands.

“Come on, let's go upstairs where it’s nicer,” Varric suggested. She let him lead her up and guide her to a chair, “Want to talk about it?”

Hawke shook her head no then put her head back down.

“Okay, I’ll get us a drink,” when he came back she still had her face covered hands but her whole body was shaking with quiet sobs.

Varric put the drinks down and went to put a comforting hand on her shoulder. Hawke stiffened for a moment then relaxed, but she didn’t stop crying. He stood there for a long time before her sobs died down and she looked up. Her eyes were bloodshot and puffy. Her face was streaked with tears and the makeup ran down her cheeks. Varric lead her to the wash basin and she washed and dried her face. He sat back down at the table and waited for her to finish. She came and sat next to him and slumped over the table but kept her head up this time. Her face was clean but looked pallid.

“Maker, but she reminded me of Bethany. So joyful and sweet. And she’s a bloody, blood mage.” She grabbed the ale Varric had brought her and took a big gulp, “I have to help her.”

She muttered a curse of some kind under her breath as she took another swig of ale, “I think that’s part of the reason I asked Fenris to join us too. He reminds me a little of Carver. The resentment of magic, the brooding,” she gave a half laugh, “Though Carver would have killed to be so impressive a brooder as Fenris.” Hawke took another long draught of ale, “And my father. Oh, my father would have loved Anders. Maybe not the Justice thing, but he would have liked him.” She emptied her pint. “Am I insane?” she asked Varric earnestly.

“Yes, but in the best way I think,” Varric smiled at her, “You’re trying to help these people. Maybe they do remind you of people you’ve lost, but I think you’d try to help them regardless.”

Hawke just looked at him and burst into tears again. She put her head down on the table and had a good long cry.

Varric just sat with her until she stopped crying.

“I’m sorry,” she hiccuped a little, “I - I shouldn’t have put this on you. It wasn’t...”

“What? Profesional? Dignified? Andraste’s great, glowing backside Hawke! You don’t need to worry about that. I want to be your friend,” he reached out and grabbed her hand for emphasis, "Would they really want you to do this to yourself?”

Hawke just stared at him. “I’ve not… I... Yeah.,” she sighed and gave him a small, sad smile. He handed her a clean handkerchief. “You are a good friend, Varric,” Hawke sniffed and wiped the tears from her face. “I’ll try. I promise.” She hesitated then gave his hand a squeeze, “I should go. I need to check on mother.”

“I’ll walk you home,” Varric volunteered.

Hawke refused, “No, I’ll be fine. It’s a two minute walk and it isn’t even late.” She rose then added, “Maker knows what state Gamlen will be in. I rather spare you that.”

"You don't have to."

"But I want too. One weeping human a day is enough I think."

The mental picture of Hawke’s uncle being a weepy drunk was enough to make Varric laugh. “See you tomorrow then Hawke,” Varric smiled.  

When Hawke had left, Varric headed down to Darktown to see Anders.

“Hey Blondie.” Varric grinned.

“Varric, what can I do for you?” Anders grinned back. He was a troubled young man, but had a lot of charm. Varric was pretty sure he had a thing for Hawke too.

“Actually, it’s for Hawke.”

He had the mage’s full attention now.

“Is she hurt or in trouble. The templars…” Anders was getting agitated.

“No, no nothing like that. I just want you to go take a look at her mother, Leandra,” Varric clarified.

Ander’s looked a little relieved but was still concerned, “Is she alright, what’s wrong?”

“I don’t think she’s doing well,” Varric explained what little he knew, “She doesn’t say much, goes through long periods where she hardly responds. From what I’ve seen over the past few weeks, sometimes she won’t eat and she has nightmares. Her husband died a few years back, which is bad enough, but Hawke had a younger brother and sister, twins, they were both killed trying to escape the blight.”

Varric shook his head, poor Hawke had been trying her best but it was time for a professional.

“Sounds like something I’ve seen before, when I was with the wardens,” Anders collected some things and put them a in a bag, then rubbed his chin, “It might be better if Hawke wasn’t there.”

Varric agreed, “I’ll take her out tomorrow morning, do some things. If we’re back around noon does that give you enough time?”

Anders nodded.

“Thanks, Blondie.” 


	8. Housecalls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Anders is visiting.

It was several weeks later Varric was walking Hawke home with some supplies they'd collected for the expedition. They’d been out all morning running errands and had got an offer of work from the sea captain who’d set herself up in the Hanged Man. When they got there, Hawke opened the door and they found Anders sitting with her mother having tea. Anders popped up when Hawke’s mother stood.

“Lutetiana! Your friend Anders came to visit. Both of you, come in and sit.”

The windows were open and the room was much cleaner. Hawke had mentioned that Leandra had been doing a little better lately, but she hadn’t had any visitors as far as Hawke knew.

Hawke walked over to the table slightly dazed and sat down next to Anders, who was grinning. Varric sat on the other side of her. Leandra fussed a little getting cups of tea for the two newcomers.

Hawke watched her mother, her face awed. Leandra sat back down and was telling Hawke how wonderful Anders was. Then, she told Varric and Anders a story about the time when Hawke was a five and got stuck in a tree.

“Her father had to climb up and get her down,” Leandra was laughing, though she looked a little wistful. “Her little britches were caught on a branch. Her father tried to unhooked her, but the britches tore right off leaving her little bum bare. She was crying and clinging to the tree so tight Malcolm had to pry her hands apart before he could get Lutetiana down.” She smiled at her daughter, “She looks so like her father. She has his coloring.”

_Ahh, so she looks like her dad. She does have a Ferelden look to her with all that blonde hair._

“But your eyes.” Varric said, giving Leandra a charming grin.

She laughed, “True. My stubbornness too.”

Hawke was smiling despite the embarrassing tale. She looked slightly dazed. Just then, Gamlen entered.

“We should probably get going,” Varric said. Anders agreed.

Varric and Anders left quickly thanking their hostess and saying goodbye to Hawke.

“You’ve done good work,” Varric told him as they headed toward the Hanged Man, “I owe you a pint.”

“She just needed a little help and someone to talk to. I also gave her something to help her sleep,” Anders shrugged, he was still grinning about the story Hawke’s mother had told.

Varric was pretty sure it was not five-year old Hawke that had Anders’s attention though. He was not sure if he approved of the mage or not. He was a good man but he had a lot of troubles.

_Like being possessed._

Hawke didn’t need to be burdened with it.

“Lutetiana?” Anders laughed. “What kind of name is that?”

“It’s the part of the proper name for Enchanter’s Nightshade,” Varric said.

“How do you know that?” Anders was shocked.

Varric shrugged, “Hawke told me. Says it’s common in Ferelden. The plant, not the name.”

Anders nodded. “It is pretty common. It has a pretty, little, white flowers. There are purple ones too.” He grinned, “It just doesn’t fit her.”

Varric and Anders each got a pint and headed upstairs, settling at Varric’s private table. They were chatting when Hawke appeared. She looked agitated.

“What’s the matter?” Varric asked.

“Gamlen lost my mother’s family’s estate to slavers. And there’s a will that he isn’t being honest about. I want to go in and clear the place out,” Hawke said sitting down.

“Of course, we’ll help,” Anders grabbed her hand, trying to comfort her.

“I’d like to bring Fenris too, he’d be disappointed if we didn’t let him help us clear out slavers,” she added.

Varric agreed, “Broody could use the exercise. We’ll have to go tomorrow night though, we promised Isabella we’d help her out.”

Hawke nodded at them, “Yeah, tomorrow’s good. I’d like to find out the whole story with Isabella too.”

Hawke seemed to be doing much better since she and Varric had their chat. She was treating him like a friend now and talking with him seemed to really help her. Her mother’s improvement seemed to have lightened her load as well. He owed Anders a lot for that. Hopefully keeping the Coterie off his back would lessen the debt.

 


	9. Plans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Isabela joins the gang and plans are made.

Isabela bought them all a round of drinks after they returned to the Hanged Man from the Chantry. She’d decided to join their 'merry' band of misfits after Hawke offered to help her out with Castillion. Isabela had also really liked the way Hawke had dumped Hadyr right on his ass with one of those funny moves of her.

_Now Hawke has beautiful women pledging themselves to her._

They’d also swung around and picked up Merrill from the Alienage. Daisy was a good name for the sunny Merrill. Isabela took a liking to her immediately.

Isabela was currently taking a break from flirting with Hawke to try and teach Merrill how to play Wicked Grace. Watching people try to flirt with Hawke was like trying to watch someone flirt with a brick wall. She either didn’t get it or she just ignored them. Varric rather suspected the later was the case.

“No, no kitten. You don’t want to play that card,” Isabella laughed and helped Merrill with her cards again.

Hawke laughed softly. Varric liked her laugh, it was nice. Low and sweet. Almost musical. She didn't laugh enough.

“Bethy never could get the hang of Wicked Grace either. You could always tell if she thought her cards were good or not by her face,” she said, “Carver was just as bad, though he denied it. Almost lost all his money at Ostegar, I had to drag away from the game. He was so mad.” Hawke expression was bittersweet.

“You were at Ostegar?” Anders asked.

It was news to Varric too.

“Yes. Carver insisted on going, I went along to make sure he was ok. He was always getting into trouble,” Hawke scrunched her nose, “Brat got a mabari tattoo before I could stop him. Never told Mother. Ostegar was… Well, we were lucky we didn’t die.”

She stopped talking. She was doing well though, starting to talk about her life before Kirkwall. But this was obviously a very painful subject.

They were silent for a while, watching Merrill and Isabela at the other table.  

“Do you have trouble sleeping?” Anders asked after a while.

“Leave her be,” Fenris cut in, “She doesn’t need your prying.”

“I’m her friend, I’m just trying to help,” Anders retorted.

“You help no one but yourself-”

“Stop boys, not tonight,” Varric said sighing, watching Hawke’s face as she walked over to help Isabela with Merrill’s card playing.

“See what you’ve done now,” Anders said.

“You started this,” Fenris hissed

“STOP!” Varric said very firmly, “Just. Stop.”

He headed over to sit with the ladies. They ended up playing Old Maid instead of Wicked Grace. Merrill enjoyed it and even won a few rounds. No one had the heart to tell her they’d let her win.

****

Hawke groaned softly.

“Oh no,” she said and handed the will to Varric.

He whistled softly as he read, “Shit. This all belonged to your mother.”

“We need to get this to her right away."

Hawke led them straight out the front door of the mansion and started off for Lowtown. Fenris and Anders showed some sense for once and headed their separate ways without a single argument. Varric stuck with Hawke though.

When they got close to her house he asked, "Want me to come with you?"

Hawke started to shake her head then stopped, "If you would."

They headed in. “Mother, I think you need to see this.”

She handed her mother the will.

“What do you have there?” her uncle Gamlen sneered, “Oh, you brought your half-sized shadow along today as well as your great, flea bag? Goody.”

Hawke got angry then, Varric was quite surprised she was usually very patient, even with her annoying uncle.

“Sit down and shut up. I am quite done with your nonsense.”

She turned to her mother, “They left you everything, your parents didn’t hate you. They loved you and wanted you to come home.”

“Gamlen, is this true?” Leandra was holding the will in a state of shock.

“Oh yes. They left everything to their perfect Leandra. Even though she ran off with an apostate. I took care of them, nursed them through two bouts of dysentery, wiped their dribbly chins. Father’s last words were ‘Leandra’. I only took what should have been mine.”

“So you did this to spite them?” Leandra asked. “Gamlen, they loved you. They always gave you everything you ever wanted! Was it worth it? You have nothing now.”

Hawke stepped between, she was shorter than both her uncle and mother, but it stopped them arguing.

“Uncle, they wanted mother to administer the estate because they were afraid you’d lose it, which you did. I understand you were angry but this,” she gestured around them then looked to her mother. “You left, he was mad. It’s no excuse and it’s not worth arguing about now. The estate is empty. Maybe you can try to get it back.”

“You’re right, dear. I will. I’ll petition the Viscount”, she smiled at her daughter and gave her a shoulder a squeeze.

“It won’t do you any good,” Gamlen laughed nastily, “You’re a nobody now. The Amell name is mud in this city.”

“No thanks to you, but I’ll try anyway,” Leandra said haughtily. “I’ll write a letter right now.”

She went to the small desk and started to write.

Gamlen glared at his niece then Varric and stomped out, muttering to himself.

“I’m just going to walk Varric home, then I’ll be back mother,” Hawke said as they walked out of the house.

“Of course dear, see you soon.”

As they walked back to the Hanged Man, Varric noticed Hawke starting to smile.

“What are you smiling about?” he asked.

“Even if nothing comes of it, we’ve given my mother a something to work on, a project. She’ll be much happier now, working to restore the Amell name.”

Varric laughed, “When we get back from the Deep Roads, you’ll be as wealthy as any Kirkwall noble. You can buy it back for her.”

Hawke nodded, “I have the money now.”

“What? he looked up at her, “Wait, the money for the expedition?”

She nodded.

“All of it?” Varric asked.

“More actually. The money from saving the viscount's son pushed us way over the top. Think we’re ready?” she looked down at him.

"Lucky you got paid before you told the Viscount he should shut up and listen to his son."

Hawke nodded solemnly but was smiling slightly, Varric grinned. The looks on the Viscount and Seneschal Bran’s faces when Hawke had spoken up for Seamus had been priceless.

“Well, we're as ready as we’ll ever be. Let’s go give the money and map to Bartrand then we’ll get everyone together tonight and figure out who’ll come,” Varric suggested.

****

Bartrand was shocked when two hours later Varric and Hawke showed up with eighty-three gold sovereigns and a map of the Deep Roads.

Hawke was once again the consummate professional. She even got Bartrand to give her a bigger share by offering to put in more money than she and Varric had originally agreed upon. He even had the papers giving her a 33% share of the venture profits made up and signed. Bartrand had a grudging respect for Hawke, which made Varric grin. Bartrand hating having to admit when he, Varric, was right.

“We’ll be ready to go in two days,” Bartrand said, “We only have room for two more, so don’t bring too many people with you.”


	10. Choose Your Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke chooses her party for the Deep Roads.

“I don’t want to, but I’ll come. You’ll need me,” Anders said firmly, “You have the map but I know the Deep Roads and having a warden with you will be an advantage.”

It was obvious Anders was thinking with his heart more than his head, not that Varric blamed him. He was worried about Hawke too.

“I’m coming too,” Fenris declared, slamming his bottle of wine down on the table a little too hard.

“But I wanted to come,” Merrill said sadly.

“No Merril, I need you to keep an eye on my mother for me,” Hawke said, “I want someone to look out for her.” She gave the elf a small smile, “I’m leaving you and Isabela in charge of making sure she’s doing well.”

Leandra still suffered from bouts of melancholy.

Hawke turned to Aveline and handed her a bag of money. “This is for my mother, I left some with her too but just in case… Hang onto this for her.”

“I’ll give it back to you when you come home,” Aveline said firmly.

“I’m more worried Gamlen will steal her money and drink it all away,” Hawke said softly, but Varric knew it wasn’t true. She was worried that she might die and didn’t want to leave her mother destitute and alone.

“Hey! You don’t trust me with the money?” Isabela said in mock offense.

“I do Isabela, but no one would try to take it from the Guard Captain. I don’t want you or Merrill to be targeted by thieves. I know you can take them, but it wouldn’t be nice. If you can keep my mother cheerful, it’ll be more than I could hope for.”

Isabela sat back and blinked, her grin slipping for a moment, then it popped back up, “Keep her cheerful, aye aye ma’am,” she winked at Hawke.

“So you, me, Blondie, and Broody in the Deep Roads,” Varric said with a chuckle,  “Sounds like fun.”

_Actually, this sounds like hell. Trapped underground with those two bickering. Shit._

 

 


	11. Foolish Men

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Some men, human and dwarf, are fools.

“Mages aren’t like you and me, you can’t treat them like people,” Knight-Captain Cullen said.

Varric facepalmed. Isabela snorted. Even Fenris blanched a little. He didn’t like mages but he respected Hawke. Hawke just looked up at the man, her expression a mixture of incredulity and pity.

“There are good templars and bad mages and bad templars and good mages and a lot in between, just like anyone else,” she said, rather slowly as if the man was the total idiot he seemed. “We’re all people. That’s the problem.”

Cullen’s mouth started to work a little, like he was going to object but wasn’t sure how to counter her logic. He ended up just looking into her eyes and blushing.

“Look, I got your recruit back. He’s fine, the blood mages targeting your recruits are gone. I’m going to leave now,” Hawke said pursing her lips slightly.

“Wait, here,” the Knight Captain pushed a bag of money at Hawke. “Thank you, Miss Hawke. You have done a great thing for us. Sorry again about the, erm, place you had to go to.”

Isabela chortled and mouthed the word ‘brothel’ at the Knight-Captain.

Hawke gave a sharp nod, accepted the money and they left.

“Ingrate,” Varric muttered as they left.

“He is,” Isabela agreed. “And a fool, but at least he isn’t a cheapskate too.” She took her share of the reward money.

“Let’s go get something to eat,” Hawke said. “I’m hungry.”

****

Leandra stopped them as they were about to leave. Bartrand had already made a total ass of himself by making an embarrassing speech about deflowering the Deep Roads. Hawke’s mouth had hung open and Varric had to stuff a fist into his own to stop his laughter.

“Who brought the old lady?” Bartrand shouted coming over.

“That’s Hawke’s mother. She’s here to see her daughter off,” Varric shooed him away.

“Please don’t go,” Leandra was saying, “I couldn’t bear it if you died too.”

“Mother I have to go. We need this. We can’t stay with Gamlen forever,” Hawke said softly.

Leandra clutched at her daughter. “Why do you have to be so stubborn! You led Bethany and Carver to disaster and now you merrily march off to the Deep Roads?” Leandra was starting to cry.

Hawke hugged her mother, “I need to do this. I’m sorry.”

The stood for a moment embracing, Leandra just nodded as they parted. Hawke walked away to get her pack.

“I’ll watch out for her, I promise I’ll keep her safe.” Varric said.

Leandra looked at him. “Thank you. But she better come home safe.”

Leandra left without another word

The Hawke family was dysfunctional duo but they loved each other. Varric knew it would break Leandra’s heart to lose her daughter, even if Hawke didn’t believe that.

 

 


	12. In the Deep Roads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric, Hawke, Fenris, and Anders are in the Deep Roads.

Varric didn’t like the Deep Roads. He liked the B-twins bickering even less. After a half a day. Hawke broke them up and banished them into separate parts of the party.

“Andraste’s most holy knickers. I couldn’t take much more of that.” Varric said.

Hawke chuckled softly, “Neither could I. Whenever those two are together I feel like their babysitter or put upon mother.”

“Guess that’d make me the long suffering father.” Varric chuckled some more. “Can you imagine having two kids like that?”

“Oh Maker, it’d end in homicide!” she laughed a little more.

Varric hummed his agreement. He wondered if she realized Anders was sweet on her and how much that ruffled Fenris’ feathers. Fenris didn’t like the mage to be anywhere near Hawke, having taken it upon himself to protect her. Was he maybe interested in her too? Varric wasn’t sure.

Hawke seemed to attract quite the following. It was her eyes and that solemn look of hers. Even Bartrand had remarked on Hawke’s looks and made a very lewd joke before Varric had shut him down. And, perhaps threatened him a little. He was not going to let his piggish brother hit on his best friend. It hadn’t taken long, but Hawke and Varric _were_ best friends.

“You look worried,” Hawke said, peering at him from under that shaggy mop of hers.

“Nothing major, just thinking about Bartrand,” Varric wasn’t about to tell her about his brother’s inappropriate comments about her. “Him and his ‘Deflowering the Deep Roads’ speech. And sorry about him insulting your mother.”

Hawke shook her head slightly, “Poor Bartrand. Seems like you got all the charm.”

Varric looked up surprised.

“A joke and a compliment? The Deep Roads must be getting to you.”

“Just an observation,” she shrugged, but gave him a small half smile.

Fenris and Anders weren’t happy at all about being on the expedition, even though they had both volunteered. He and Anders seemed almost as uncomfortable underground as Varric. They were all surface dwellers and the tunnels seemed oppressive to them. Hawke, however, seemed comfortable in the Deep Roads. She was actually humming something softly under her breath.

“Hawke, do you actually like it down here?” Varric was incredulous.

“No. Well, yes. I - I don’t know, something about it is… calm? Of course all the Darkspawn down here is a definite minus, but I think I can understand why the Orzammar dwarves love it down here.”

Varric laughed, “You have Stone sense, you strange little human!”

“You don’t, you strange dwarf,” she laughed back, “There’s an old dwarven lullaby, I’m sure you know it. There were some surface dwarf families near us, when I was growing up. Mrs. Harding used to sing it a lot.”

“Is that what you’ve been humming?”

Hawke nodded, “I can’t remember all the words and it’s driving me crazy. I know the refrain went something like ‘ _Sleep, sleep my darling, sleep in the arms of the earth_ ’,” she sang the last part very softly, Varric could barely hear.

“I do know it. Shit, I can’t remember all the words either,” Varric chuckled, “I’ll figure it out and I can write it down for you.”

“Thanks,” Hawke smiled, “I’d appreciate that.”

****

“What are you working on, Varric?” Bartrand asked. They’d stopped for the night and Varric was writing down the words to the lullaby that Hawke had asked about.

“Nothing important.”

Bartrand read over his shoulder, “That ol’ lullaby? This for that girly of yours?”

“Hawke is my friend and business partner, Bartrand,” Varric snapped.

“Oh, testy, what no luck yet baby brother? Maybe she prefers a dwarf with a real beard,” Bartrand laughed and slapped Varric on the back.

“Enough Bartrand, I told you to lay off!”

Bartrand replied testily, “Ok, ok. By the Stone, I’m just messing with you.” He got up and wandered off.

“Pig,” Varric muttered.

“What was that about?”

Anders and Fenris came to sit near Varric, they’d heard the end of the conversation.

“My brother’s a disgusting pig and I’m doing something for Hawke,” Varric waved his paper a little, “She was trying to remember the words to an old song, I’m writing them down, had to ask around myself.”

Fenris sat back but Anders look at the parchment, “Is this a dwarven lullaby?”

Varric nodded, “Yeah, you know it?”

Anders shook his head.

“Why would Hawke want a dwarven lullaby?” Fenris asked.

“She heard it growing up but can’t remember the words. It’s really bothering her, so I’m helping her out.”

“Ah,” Anders said with a knowing smirk.

Fenris glared at him and made a remark and the two started bickering again.

Luckily, Varric was done so her left the two to go find Hawke.

She was helping Bodhan unpack some supplies.

“I got it,” Varric presented her with the paper and a smile.

Hawke took it and read quickly, “Thank you, Varric. Maker, I haven’t thought of this song in ages.”

“You should sing it Miss Hawke,” Bodhan urged, he’d been instrumental in helping Varric figure out the words. Apparently, it was a favorite of Sandal’s.

“Oh, um, ok,” Hawke agreed.

She sang the song softly, so as not to make too much noise. Her singing voice was pleasant and calming.

“That was beautiful Miss Hawke,” Bodhan said when she finished.

“Pretty song, Bird,” Sandal added, he often called her Bird instead of Hawke.

“Thank you, it is a pretty song,” Hawke said, with a shy smile.

Varric grinned, “You won’t be able to get out of sing alongs at the Hanged Man now.”

“Oh, crap,” Hawke said, covering her smile with a hand..

****

They moved quickly through the Deep Roads for several days. On the fourth day, the way was blocked. Bertrand was swearing up a storm and fussing.

"Well, it a good thing you brought people who know how to scout along, isn't it brother." Varric grinned making his brother scowl.

_One of life's simple pleasures._

“Let’s go,” Hawke said.

The were stopped by their quartermaster, Bodahn. “Ma’am. I hate to bother you but Sandal’s missing. I turned around to pass out rations and he was gone. He doesn’t know danger like he should, he could be hurt!” The dwarf was ringing his hands in distress.

“How long?” Hawke asked frowning. Sandal wouldn’t be able to look out for himself for long.

“Maybe a half hour. I looked everywhere around the camp.”

“We’ll find him,” Hawke said simply, patting the dwarf’s shoulder.

She gave a small jerk of her head and they headed out.

Finding Sandal didn’t take long. He was covered in gore and surrounded by dead Darkspawn. There was also a frozen ogre.

“What?” Varric managed.

“Boom,” Sandal said proudly and handed a rune to Hawke.

“You did a very good job, Sandal,” Hawke said taking the boy’s hand. “Let’s go back to your dad, ok?”

“Bodahn!” Sandal said looking up at Hawke, with a big smile. They walked him back to camp before going out to look for a new route.

They did better than find a new route, they found an ancient thaig. Varric was quite happy to lead Bartrand to their find. His brother was actually pleased for once! He clapped both Varric and Hawke on the backs when they reached the thaig before running off to start looting.

Hawke seemed jumpy. So was Varric. This thaig was strange. The architecture wasn’t right, the decorations weren’t very dwarvish.

“What’s the matter?” Hawke asked him.

Varric explained, “There’s something funny about this place. It doesn’t look right. It must be really, really old. Dwarves don’t like change.”

“Maybe we can find something further in,” Fenris suggested. He was getting antsy as well. He was probably hoping they’d find some giant spiders to kill.

Anders agreed which made Fenris’ scowl deepen. The four set off to investigate. It didn’t take long to find a large set of doors just beyond a passage which just happened to be infested with giant spiders.

_At least Broody is happy. Well, as happy as he ever is._

 


	13. Stuck in the Deep Roads

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric is not pleased when the group is betrayed and stuck in the Deep Roads.

“Bartrand! Bartrand!” Varric pounded on the door with his fists and shouted. Hawke grabbed his arm to stop him from pounding his hands raw. He looked up to the ceiling, “I swear I am going to find that son of a bitch - sorry, mother - and I will kill him!”

Fenris growled in agreement. Hawke pulled Varric away from the door.

“He sold us out for that stupid idol! My own brother and he left us here to die!” Varric really wanted to start punching the door again.

“We need to find a way out,” Hawke said soothingly, holding him by the shoulders, “Then we worry about Bartrand.”

Varric relented, Hawke was right. They wandered through the tunnels.

They didn’t go too far before they came across a weird stone creature.

“Hawke, I think that was a Rock Wraith,” Varric explained, “They’re supposed to be just stories but it seems they’re real.” He shrugged, he had nothing helpful to add.

“Be careful,” Anders chimed in, “I think something may be controlling them. Do you feel that, Hawke?”

Hawke nodded, “Yeah, something… old. Let’s move on.”

Then everything went even more to shit than Varric thought possible. A demon stone creature tried to make a deal with them. It would help them escape if they left it to feed on the rock creatures and didn’t take its treasure. Varric thought treasure sounded pretty promising and hoped Hawke, their de facto leader, wouldn’t make a deal with the demon.

“I can help you get out,” the creature offered, its voice deep and wheedling.

“Um, no thanks,” said Hawke, her nose wrinkling slightly in distaste, “I’d rather not.”

Varric kind of wanted to laugh but was too busy fighting off the demon’s minions. It didn’t take the band too long to eliminate the threat.

“Shit Hawke, messing with us is suicide,” Varric muttered, looking around the now empty cavern.

“It’d would be worse if it wasn’t,” Fenris replied.

_He almost made a joke!_

“For us at least,” Anders added.

Fenris scowled in agreement.

Hawke nodded and lead them further into the caverns. The cavern was a short passage, probably an old hallway, that lead to a large arched entrance. It looked promising.

“I think this might be the antechamber to a treasure room. There should be a vault here somewhere,” Varric said.

Hawke started to respond but they were both distracted by a sudden rush of air and stirring of rocks. The arch they had just come through collapsed behind them.

“Take cover!” Hawke shouted as she ran to get behind a large rocky protrusion pulling Varric with her.

_Stalagmite? Stalactite? I don’t know. Why am I worrying about this now? The mind is a funny thing._

A giant rock monster had formed in the middle of the chamber.

“Really?” shouted Anders from behind another rock formation, “A giant rock monster? This is absurd!”

“I’d have to agree with the whiny mage for once,” called Fenris.

They were trying to confuse the monster by attacking from different sides then retreating behind rock formations where it couldn’t reach them. It took them a long time to finally dispatch the thing, but they did it.

“Let’s not do that again,” Varric said when they were sure the creature was dead.

“Agreed,” Hawke nodded. “Lets find this treasure and the key and get out of this place.”

It was actually quite easy to find the vault, it was also very conveniently wide open and stuffed to the gills with treasure.

“Jackpot!” Varric said.

They sifted through the treasure and took as much as they could possibly carry without leaving anything important, like their rations and weapons, or overburdening themselves. They were able to find an old key in one of the chests and figured out that it was for a secret exit from the Thaig in the vault.

“I wonder if someone was embezzling,” mused Varric when they opened the secret exit.

“It would seem,” groused Fernis, “that they didn’t do a very good job of it.”

Varric looked at the elf. Fenris had perfected his brooding tone and it seemed he thought it a waste not to always use it. Even when making a joke.

“A joke Broody?” Varric teased, “I didn’t think you had it in you.”

The elf snorted and followed Hawke out into the passage beyond the vault.

****

It took them weeks to find their way out of the Deep Roads. Luckily, they’d all been carrying their packs when Bartrand had screwed them over, so they had food and supplies. They emerged from the Deep Roads about a week away from Kirkwall. They, of course didn’t have any tents so they had to camp outdoors. Their first night above ground Hawke took first watch and Varric stayed up with her.

“Hawke, sorry again about Bartrand,” he said.

“Varric, it’s not your fault. I’ve told you,” she shook her head.

“I know, but I still feel the need to apologize,”

Hawke shrugged, “Don’t. You’ve apologized both of us out. Go to sleep, I’ll wake you for second watch.”

“I thought Broody was taking second?”

“Oh no, you’ve incurred my wrath with your over apologizing. So, now you get to wake Fenris up.”

Varric could see the ghost of a grin on her face, illuminated by the dim firelight.

“You’re a cruel, hard woman, Hawke.”

“Thank you.”

 


	14. Moving Up in the the World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke takes over the Amell Estate.

“Damn Hawke, this place is huge!” Varric followed her through the main entrance of the Amell Estate, “How many rooms does it have?”

“I counted at ten bedrooms, though I think some are technically parlours. There’s also a library, a nursery, the kitchen, pantry, and an apartment for a butler or something. I moved Bodahn and Sandal into that,” she replied with a shake of her head, “It’s just ridiculously huge. We also have an enclosed garden and all that space downstairs. I think it’s supposed to be storage and servant’s quarters.”

“What are you going to do with all this space?”

“I haven’t a clue, mother won’t take borders so I’m thinking leave it empty,” she smiled, “or fill it up with junk.”

“You could start a dragon figurine collection,” Varric joked.

“I need thousands to fill this place! I think I’ll just make up some guest bedrooms for my friends.”

Hawke lead him into the library. It was a large, two level room. There was a fireplace, a couch and some chairs on the first level.

“We’ll have to get you some books to and fill this place up.”

_The shelves are pretty bare._

Hawke nodded.

Varric looked around then asked a low tone, “Is Gamlen moving in?”

Hawke shook her head, “We invited him but he refused.”

_Rather rot than admit he was wrong, that sounds familiar._

“Well, I’m glad you got this place back,” he said. “That’d be a great place for a bar,” he pointed to a area on the second floor of the library against the far wall.

Hawke chortled, “I’ll take it into advisement.”

****

Anders walked in with a kitten strapped to his chest. It was a small tabby, napping in a little sling.

“Where’d you get the kitten?” Varric asked looking up from his papers.

Anders petted the sleeping kitten as he spoke. "Hawke came to visit me today. She brought me this kitten. A tabby, my favorite! She told me she overheard Merrill and I talking about it, so when she found this little guy she thought of me.” He took a deep breath and sighed looking down at the kitten on his chest, "Isn’t he wonderful? I’m going to call him Ser Fluff-a-tail."

"Oh, hello Anders." Hawke said from behind the mage, making Anders jump.

"Hawke! You heard? What do you think of the name?"

"Uh, yes. It’s nice," she agreed, she moved closer to pet the kitten

Varric was watching Hawke. Had she and Anders started something? He was young, handsome and some women like the whole tortured soul crossed with caring healer thing. Varric worried if they had, he might break her heart.

Anders was leaving, a big sloppy grin on his face. Hawke sat down.

Varric couldn’t help but ask, “Are you and he...”

Hawke look startled then shook her head, “No, we’re just friends.”

_So, not Blondie. Was there someone else? Was it Broody or maybe Rivaini? Not Daisy, she’s like her little sister. Is there really no one? That chantry boy, Prince Sebastian, we helped that time. She still visits him on occasion. Could that be it? Or is it someone I don’t know? Did she have someone back in Ferelden? That's a long time to hold a torch, but who am I to say anything. I’m the one who pined over Bianca for years. Still am a bit._

He'd been so young when he'd met Bianca, barely nineteen. When her parents found out they were going to elope, they'd shuffled her off to marry some smith boy. They were surface dwarves, so strictly casteless, but they were very traditional and clung to their old standing. No daughter of theirs would marry a boy from the merchant caste. It was smith or nothing for them, so off she'd gone. They'd written for a long time, still did on occasion, but their correspondence had ceased to be love letters long before he’d met Hawke. He still couldn’t tell her, it wasn’t his secret to tell, even if Hawke was his best friend. She really was the best friend he’d ever had.

Varric voiced none of these thoughts, Hawke couldn’t know about Bianca.

Hawke gave him a small smile. “Anders is lonely and… Justice has really messed him up.” Her smile faded, “I’m worried about him. This whole rebellion and manifesto thing? I believe in freedom but this is not the way. This will only lead to death and bloodshed. And it won’t help, it’ll just make everyone hate us, mages and templars.” She shrugged, “I’ll just keep telling him that and hope he listens.”  

It was so simple, so lovely, so Hawke. He couldn’t help but chuckle.

“I hope you’re right,” Varric decided to change the subject, “So what did the Viscount want?”

“Me to fix the Qunari problem,” she shrugged again, Varric found it oddly endearing.

“What?”

“He says the Arishok respects me and he wants me to find out what he wants.”

“Oh, that simple, huh?”

 


	15. Awkward Questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A whole lot of awkwardness ensues.

Bodahn let Varric into the Amell Estate.

“Good morning Master Varric!” he said brightly and lead him into the breakfast room.

As they approached he heard Hawke and her mother talking.

“But dear!” Leandra sounded frustrated.

“No mother. I’m not interested. And no, I’m not seeing anyone,” came Hawke’s curt reply.

Varric entered and the conversation immediately stopped.

_Because that’s never awkward._

Leandra sighed but gave him a cordial greeting.

“Varric. How nice to see you! Lutetiana, dear, why don’t you go get him something.”

Varric tried to object but Leandra insisted. Hawke gave him a pitying look as she went to the kitchen but she was relieved to escape from the questioning.

_No, Hawke! Don’t leave me!_

“So, Varric, how is Hawke doing?”

“Ummm, fine?” Varric knew the question that was coming.

Leandra sighed, “We aren’t as… close as I would like. It’s partially my own fault but,” she fixed a penetrating gaze on Varric that reminded him very much of her daughter. “Do you know if she has anyone special? That nice young man, Anders? The, um, young elven man she brings over sometimes? Or anyone?”

Varric shook his head, “No, ma’am. Not as far as I know. Hawke has never said anything to me.”

“Hmmmm,” Leandra said, narrowing her eyes at him. “I see. Well, thank you Varric.”

Hawke came back with some food which Varric finished very quickly. He felt like this was some kind of catered interrogation. Hawke’s mother was watching them both with a funny expression. He could tell, Leandra was just waiting for him to crack. Only he didn’t know anything!

Eventually, she gave up and left them alone in the breakfast room.

Relieved that the interrogation was over, Varric smiled at Hawke. He could understand why she’d abandoned him so quickly, that was quite intense. He did have some interesting news though.

“Hawke? Did you know Aveline and Guardsman Donnic were courting?” Varric asked.

Hawke actually smiled. Widely, showing both her dimples.

“I did. I helped,” her expression was like the cat that ate the cream.

“What!” Varric was shocked. How had she kept this from him? “How?”

“Isabela, Merrill, and I helped her,” Hawke said proudly, “She needed a push. It was adorable.”

Varric chuckled. “Wish you had invited me.”

Hawke shook her head still grinning,“No. We women need to stick together. Besides, Isabela’s teasing was more than enough.”

****

“Ah, Mistress Hawke. New scion of the Amells. How are you?”

“Fine, Knight-Captain,” Hawke said graciously.

“You know, I knew an Amell once. Back in the circle in Ferelden. Would you be related?”

“I think you might mean a cousin of mine, Tyrin. Mother got a letter a while back saying she had disappeared during the Blight.”

Varric’s curiosity was peaked.

_Captain Noodles looks much too interested in this cousin and Hawke never talks about Ferelden._

“Yes, that was her.”

_Noodles nodded sadly. Ahh, I need to stop narrating everything in my head._

“She was a remarkable woman, she helped me when Ulred took over the tower. It was only because of her and her friend Octave Surana I wasn’t killed right away. She really was a wonderful woman,” he looked at Hawke and started to blush.

Varric looked from Hawke to the blushing templar. Hawke had her mother’s blue eyes.

_Did this other Amell have blue eyes too? The noodle haired templar and the blue-eyed mage. Sounds like a bad romance novel. Oh! That could actually be quite good. Only lets leave out the noodle hair. Maybe I shouldn’t stop the mental narrating._

Later, Varric went to visit Anders.

“Hey, Blondie,” Varric said letting himself in.

“Oh, hi Varric,” Anders looked up from the desk where he was working on some kind of potion.

“Random question, but did you know another Amell? Maybe in the Circle?”

Anders eyebrows lifted in surprise, “Why, yes. I did. Her name was Tyrin. I’d heard she died though. Very sad. Her best friend became a warden.”

“Did she happen to look like Hawke?” Varric asked, it was really bothering him.

“Um… Well, a little I guess. Tyr was quite a bit taller, almost my height actually, and she had brown hair. But her eyes were the same color as Hawke’s,” Anders replied.

“Blondie… Anders, are you?” Varric couldn’t quite finish the question.

Anders looked down at him, a puzzled expression on his face.

“What?” Ser Fluff-a-tail nudged the mage’s hand and Anders picked him up and pulled him to his lap.

Varric felt a little embarrassed, “I mean are you interested -in Hawke…”

Anders grinned, “She’s cute, and I’d be a liar if I said I hadn’t thought about it, but we’re just friends, Varric. Good friends. I’m not interested in her that way.” He began stroking Ser Fluff-a-tail, “Why? Are you?”

“No,” Varric replied, “I just worry about her. And… I had to undergo an interrogation from her mother the other day about Hawke’s love-life.”

_Villains should all have cats to stroke like that._

Anders laughed, “You to? Leandra has interrogated me, Merrill, and Fenris. She’d probably question Isabella too, if she could catch her.” Anders shook his head, “Aveline is just as bad as Hawke’s mother, she already asked me about my intentions.” His grin widened.

Varric couldn’t help but laugh, “That sounds like her.”

Isabela came in just then, “Oh, who are we gossiping about?”

Anders told her about the interrogations and the other Amell. He was kind enough not to include Varric’s questions about his feelings for Hawke.

“Oh, Big Girl was asking me about my intentions towards Hawke too. I had a ruddy hard time convincing her I really don’t have any. She’s my friend and we enjoy some harmless flirting, that’s all. Not that I wouldn’t go with Hawke. I absolutely would, we’d be a beautiful couple. Sadly, she just doesn’t seem to be interested in me,” Isabela laughed then winked at Varric.


	16. Brothers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bartrand is finally found.

Varric had fallen asleep on Hawke’s couch waiting for Anders to get back with news of Bartrand. It was morning when he woke. Someone had put an extra blanket over him but Hawke was nowhere to be seen. Varric wandered into the main room. Leandra was at the writing desk.

“Oh, Varric! You’re awake. Are you feeling better?”

“Yes, thank you ma’am,” Varric smiled and gave Hawke’s mother a small bow, “Where’s Hawke?”

“She went to check on your brother. I am sorry, Varric,” she frowned. “Let’s get you some breakfast.” She rose and led him into the kitchen.

“You don’t have to ma’am,” he said but Leandra insisted.

She even made the breakfast herself and sat with him at the kitchen table while he ate. He was just finishing when Hawke came back.

“Varric. Feeling better?” Hawke asked, she still looked worried.

“Oh yes,” he glanced back to her mother, “Thank again for the breakfast ma’am.”

“I’m going to walk him home, mother,” Hawke said, then added something Varric couldn’t hear. Her mother nodded and smiled at them both.

“Take care, dear,” she smiled at Varric. “I’ll see you later Lutetiana. I’ll be out this afternoon, so I won’t see you until this evening.”

Hawke said goodbye to her mother and they left.

She walked quite slowly, Varric knew it was for his benefit. He appreciated the thought even though he didn’t need it.

Hawke told him about the arrangements they had made for Bartrand. He was at a private hospital at the edge of the city. Anders had said Varric should be able to go visit the next day after Bartrand had some sleep.

“He’s going to be different though, he won’t be able to take care of himself,” Hawke told him sadly. “He’s been lyrium addled. Badly. He still hears the singing but Anders says he should be coherent for a few weeks at most but then…” They were sitting in Varric’s rooms. Hawke reached across the table and gave his hand a squeeze, “I am so sorry Varric. He wants you to help him get his affairs in order while he still can.”

Varric rubbed his forehead with one hand, “Shit.”

Hawke dragged her chair closer and gave him a side hug. He leaned against her for support as the tears rolled down his cheeks. Bartrand had betrayed them but he was his brother and his mind had be twisted by that _thing_ until nothing was left. He didn’t know what he’d do without Hawke’s support and friendship, “Thanks Hawke.”

“That’s what friends are are for, remember?”


	17. Death

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric tries to comfort Hawke after Leandra's murder

Varric walked nervously into Hawke’s room. He’d passed Aveline coming out. She hadn’t said anything, just shook her head. Varric went up anyway, he had to be there for his friend. She was sitting on her bed just staring.

“Hawke?” Varric said coming in. She didn’t respond so he went and sat beside her.

They just sat together for a long time. Varric figured she wanted to be alone, he would come back in the morning. He reached out to pat Hawke’s hand before he left but as soon as he touched her she collapsed onto his chest sobbing. He held her while she cried, rocking her slowly.

“It’s ok, let it out,” he said softly.

He reached up to stroke her hair softly. She needed to cry, to let it out. Other people might need her to be strong, expect her not to show how hurt she was but he was not them. Varric had seen her cry before, it didn’t make her weak. It made her a person.

Hawke cried for a long time. Eventually, her tears stopped and her sobs petered out. She still clung to Varric, shaking. It was dawn by time she let him go.

Hawke took his hand. “Thank you,” she murmured.

“You don’t have to thank me. I’m here whenever you need me. You’ve been there for me,” he told her, grasping her hand. He got up to leave and she walked him to the door.

“You’re welcome to use a guest room,” she said softly, “You did just sit up with me all night.” She sounded guilty.

“Nah, I’m fine. I’ll go home. You get some sleep.”

She nodded. Hawke hesitated for a moment but gave him an awkward hug and placed a soft kiss on his forehead before letting him out.

****

Aveline stomped into Varric’s room.

“One of my guards saw you coming out of Hawke’s house this morning and her kissing you. You were there all night. What did you do?”

Varric’s mouth dropped open. The accusation hurt, but he knew Aveline was worried half to death about Hawke and the woman obviously hadn’t slept in some time, "I sat with her while she cried, Aveline. That's all."

Aveline half slumped, half threw herself into a chair, "Oh Maker. I am sorry Varric. I didn't really think... I'm just so worried. Hawke’s just so..."

“Her mother was murdered and died in her arms, Aveline. It’s not something you bounce back from quickly,” Varric said with more venom than he intended.

Aveline just nodded, looking penitent.

“What can we do?” Aveline asked.

Varric shrugged, a habit he had picked up from Hawke. “Help her. Any way we can. I’m going to get Anders to take a look at her, make sure she’s ok physically. Then we make sure she eats and sleeps, gets out once in a while. What else can we do?”

Varric made sure to visit her everyday at least once a day, sometime more, for the next few weeks. Her other friends drifted in and out. Sebastian came frequently, he even managed to respect Hawke’s beliefs and keep the Chant of Light stuff to a minimum. Fenris came to visit and practice reading with her. He read some nice novels out loud. Isabela and Merrill came to play cards. Anders used the secret passage from Darktown to come up and check on her quite often. He prescribed a sleeping potion that Varric made sure Hawke took.

Varric was quite surprised when Knight-Captain Cullen came to give his condolences and brought flowers. He took to coming once a week to check on Hawke. He never stayed, just stopped by to ask about her. She also received letters of condolence from the Knight-Commander, the First Enchanter, and the Viscount. Hawke gave them a cursory read then threw them out. Varric fished them out and wrote thank you notes for her.

Anders also recommended she get out more, so her friends took turns taking her out for walks. Varric always came along. Even when Isabela took Hawke to that funny, little hat shop in Lowtown. He stuck close, making sure she was getting better.

It took time, a long time, but Hawke slowly did get better. She was still quiet and sad, but she got back to her normal routine. She even took a few odd jobs. Her friends still checked on her a lot, but not nearly as much. They saw she was doing better and were relieved. Eventually, Varric was the only one who kept visiting daily. He knew he would never stop worrying about Hawke.

 


	18. Moving Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke makes plans to fill her empty home.

A few months later, Varric was writing some letters before going to visit Hawke. It was quite early still so he didn’t think Hawke would be up yet. Varric heard someone enter his room, thinking it was Norah with his breakfast he didn’t look up. A plate was set in front of him and a soft voice said, “Bit early for business.”

Varric looked up, “Hawke! What are you doing here?”

“Bringing you breakfast,” Hawke shrugged as she sat, she had a plate heaped full of food too.

Norah always made Varric’s breakfasts, something she didn’t do for anyone else. Except, occasionally, for Hawke. The woman was a wizard with bacon and eggs. She was behind Hawke carrying a pot of coffee and two mugs. She set them down with a kind smile for them both and left.

“Thanks for checking on me Varric. And staying with me that first night. I appreciate everything you did for me.”

“That’s no problem, Hawke. You know that,” Varric said with a smile.

“I still wanted to say it.”

They ate for a while in silence. Hawke poked at her food a little, but she did eat it. Eventually she said, “I want to ask Merrill to move in with me.”

Varric nodded thoughtfully, “I think it’s a good idea. For both of you. She needs someone to keep an eye on her and you could use the company.”

“I know you worry about me sitting around in that big house all alone. I have enough room for all you, but I don’t think everyone would want to move in,” Hawke smiled. “Aveline couldn’t bear being away from the guards, Isabela hates Hightown, Fenris will never stop squatting in that moldering mansion, and you have this place. I’m not sure Anders will accept, but I’m going to offer him a room too. That clinic of his is not safe. What do you think?”

Varric contemplated that last statement for a moment. At first, he thought it was crazy but Anders had taken good care of Hawke over the last few months...

“I think it will be a nice gesture,”  Varric said finally, sipping his coffee. “At least, he’d have a place to crash if the templars start snooping around.”

Hawke nodded, “I worry about him.” She finished her breakfast, her appetite was back.

Varric agreed.

_Anders is a worry, you never know when you need to rush in and save him from himself. If he moved into one of Hawke’s spare rooms, then at least we won’t have to rush so far._

Varric went with Hawke to invite Merrill and Anders to become housemates.

Merrill gave Hawke a big hug, “Of course I’ll come stay with you, Hawke. It’s so kind of you to invite me. I’ll pack, it won’t take long.”

Anders was more subdued. “Are you sure?” he asked.

Hawke nodded. “I have lots of room. I worry about you down here. The templars and mages are getting worse.” She shook her head, “They won’t come looking in my house and you can keep using the secret passage. Mother… would approve. She always liked you, a lot.”

“Thank you, Hawke. I’ll move my stuff in this evening if that’s alright.”

****

Varric came back home with Hawke and helped her settle Anders and Merrill in. Anders took a room on the first floor near the entrance to Darktown. It was large and airy and had several high windows as well as a private bath. Merrill also took a first floor room. Hers had a set of Orlesian doors out into the private garden.

“Oh, it’s so pretty!” she exclaimed throwing the doors open and wandering into the garden.

“You can add whatever plants you like,” Hawke said which pleased Merrill greatly. “Within reason,” Hawke added quickly.

Varric chuckled, he could just imagine some of the crazy things Merrill might plant.

_Maybe hallucinogenic mushrooms._

They found a separate work room for Merrill’s eluvian. Hawke was unsure of Merril’s project, but didn’t stop her from bringing it with her.

Hawke’s cats and her dog Reg were quite happy with the newcomers. The cats even liked Ser Fluff-a-tail and were soon dashing about the house. Hawke smiled at this.

“I think they remember him, they're all from the same litter” she remarked as she walked Varric to the door. “Thanks for helping me move them in.” She glanced towards the stairs, “I haven’t been in mother’s room since…” She stopped, then gripped his arm, “Would you help me clean it out? She’d want it to go to people who would use it, not just sit there getting dusty.”

Varric felt like crying, Hawke looked so distressed, “Of course, I’ll be over in the morning.”

“Thanks, Varric.”  

 


	19. Battle with the Arishok

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke duels the Arishok for Isabela's freedom.

“She’s returned your book. Please let her go,” Hawke asked the Arishok very politely. “You and I both know that’s not the reason we’re fighting.”

“I cannot.” The Arishok said in his low, gravelly voice. “No matter how much I wish it otherwise, basalit-an. She must come back and satisfy the demands of the Qun.”

“You can’t have her. She’s family, I won’t let you take her.”

The Arishok looked at Hawke. “She is of yours, one of your… Qun?” Hawke nodded, “Then you may face me in single combat for her freedom. That is the only way you can free her.”

“No, Hawke. He’ll kill you!” Isabela said shocked

Hawke ignored her, she bowed slightly to the Arishok, “I accept.”

The Arishok returned the bow, dipping his head to Hawke.

They took up positions and the duel began. Varric gripped Bianca so tight his knuckles went white and he started to lose feeling in his fingers. Fenris shouted some words of encouragement. Isabela was clinging to his arm and biting her nails. Varric considered if they would be able to escape if he shot the Qunari leader. The odds weren’t good, there were too many to make it out. Thankfully, Hakwe was holding her own though. She was quick and small, which made her harder to hit. She was also quite a good mage and shot some well timed spells to trip the Arishok up then came in with her knives and spear.

It was going well until he caught her. The Arishok grabbed Hawke in one hand and lifted her over his head. Varric was about to shoot him, cheating or no, when the giant qunari leader fell to the ground. Hawke’s spear was sticking out of his neck. She fell heavily on top of him. Varric rushed forward to help her. Fenris, Isabela, Merrill, Aveline, Sebastian, and Anders close on his heels.

Hawke rose shakily, she pulled her spear-staff from the dead Qunari. She leaned on it and shuffled slowly forward. Varric got her to the steps nearby and helped her sit. Anders and Merrill fussed over her, trying to assess her injuries.

A qunari soldier stepped forward, “Basalit-an, you have shown yourself honorable indeed. The Qun is satisfied. We shall leave now.”

He inclined his head to Hawke, she returned the gesture and the qunari and left, taking the soldiers with him.

“Hawke,” Varric said, “That was crazy.”

“You could have died!” Isabela exclaimed, looking over Hawke’s extensive injuries. “Oh, Hawke,” her voice was thick.

Hawke tried to shrug, but her shoulder was dislocated, and she winced. Then she fainted. Anders swore as he caught her. His hands were covered in blood.

“She’s lost a lot of blood. Help me!”

He and Fenris moved Hawke to a nearby couch. The had to cut off her shirt; she’d been hit in the abdomen. Anders probed the wound with magic, then he and Merrill stitched it up. Then they used more magic on it. Aveline left, taking the others with her to help make sure the city was secure. The Qunari were gone, but there were looters and gangs fighting in the streets. Varric refused to leave Hawke’s side and Aveline didn’t push him.  

They didn’t move Hawke from the Keep that night. Varric pulled a chair over to sit next to the unconscious Hawke, holding her hand for a long time. Merrill and Anders took other couches to get some sleep. They were both exhausted from their exertions. At some point, Varric fell asleep too.

 


	20. Getting Better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke recovers from the duel.

Varric jerked awake. Someone was holding his hand. He opened his eyes to see Hawke had propped herself up a little.

“Morning sleepy,” she said softly.

“Hawke!”

She shushed him, “Shhh. The others are asleep.” Hawke pointed, somewhat weakly, over at Merrill and Anders. They were both still out.

“How do you feel?” Varric asked.

She looked quite pale and seemed to be weak and shaky.

“Been better,” she winced as she shifted, “I really didn’t want to kill him.”

“I know, but you wouldn’t let them have Rivaini.”

“It wasn’t her fault. Any of it. She just-” she coughed.

Anders popped up at the noise.

“You’re awake!” he said relieved. “Varric, can you get her some water?”

Varric went immediately bringing back a pitcher of clean drinking water. When he came back, Merrill was up too. She and Anders were fussing over Hawke again. They stopped when he came back in and gave her a few sips of water.

“We can take her home later today,” Merrill said brightly to Varric. “She’ll be more comfortable there. Hawke’ll be right as rain in a few days.”

Anders was helping Hawke sit up, “We’ll need to carry her though. She can’t walk that far.”

“I’ll get someone,” Varric said and hurried off to find a litter. He was able to find an abandoned palanquin and a few people to help carry it.

They loaded Hawke into it and got her home as smoothly as possible. Varric paid the people generously and went back upstairs to see Hawke. Merrill had helped her into some clean nightclothes and propped her up in bed. Anders had gone off to make some poultices for Hawke’s wound and Merrill went to help as soon as Varric returned.  

Hawke patted the bed next to her. Varric hopped up and sat by her.

“Hello again,” Varric said. “Happy to be home?”

Varric looked her over. Her top had no sleeves so Merrill had wrapped a shawl over her shoulders. They had popped her dislocated shoulder back in but the arm was still in a sling. He could see she was bruised and battered and had the remains of a nasty looking cut on one arm.

“Quite,” she said with a sigh.

She gave him a funny look then began, “Varric, I need to -” but was cut off when Isabella burst in.

“Rivani! You look terrible!” Varric said.

The woman was damp, bedraggled, and covered in gore. She also looked exhausted. She stuck her tongue out at Varric playfully then sat on the bed on the other side of Hawke. Fenris slipped in through the door behind her and stood by the fireplace, leaning against the stonework. He actually smiled.

“What a night!” Isabela exclaimed, then she told Hawke and Varric all about her adventures helping Aveline restore order. Fenris added a few things Isabela missed, mostly making it sound much less glamorous than the pirate queen’s version. Things had been in a frightful mess, they’d even run into the Knight-Commander and the First Enchanter.

“Showed up late to the party, as usual,” she groused, then tried to bite back a yawn.

“Isabela, you should get some sleep. You’re welcome to use a guest room, you can at least take a bath. I have some things that’ll fit you,” Hawke told her. “You’re welcome too, Fenris. We can dig up some clean things for you to wear.”

“Oh! Dress up time? You are rather smaller than me though,” Isabela said, holding her hand out low to indicate Hawke’s height then squeezing her own breasts a little. Isabela was rather more _well-endowed_ than Hawke. Hawke laughed softly again. It was funny how much Hawke and Isabela liked each other. They were very different.

“You know I have lots of big shirts and a few belts. Oh, and a wrap dress that would look great on you. You can borrow some leggings too if you want, though I know you prefer the no pants look.”

Isabela just sat looking at Hawke for a moment then her tone became more serious. “Hawke, I can’t… Thanks. You were amazing.”

Hawke smiled at her. “I would shrug, but it hurts,” she said with a small laugh.

Anders and Merrill came in then. “Okay, everyone out,” Anders announced. “We have to change her dressings and then she needs more sleep.”

Everyone reluctantly filed out, including Varric. He took it upon himself to play host in Hawke’s stead. Isabela took Hawke’s offer of a bath and change of clothes, but Fenris declined. He went back to his mansion to clean up and returned in short order with several bottles of wine in tow.

They sat in Hawke’s library drinking. Isabela had borrowed a purple dress from Hawke with the Amell family crest on it. Her hair was slightly damp, she’d left it free of her usual bandana and it fell loosely in curls around her face. She was lounging on a couch with her legs over Fenris’s lap. He was actually wearing regular clothes instead of armor for once. They both dozed off like that. Varric had a hard time staying awake, eventually he drifted off too. He was awoken some time later by Bodahn.

“Master Tethras, the Knight-Commander and the First Enchanter here to see Mistress Hawke, but she can’t be disturbed,” Bodahn was rather distressed.

“It’s okay, I’ll take care of it,” Varric hustled into the foyer, “Knight-Commander, First Enchanter! How lovely to see you.”

“We’re here to see Hawke.” The Knight-Commander said, crossing her arms. She looked angry as usual. Knight-Captain Cullen was behind her, looking rather antsy.

“We would like to thank her for so deftly handling the Qunari situation,” the First Enchanter added, with a small smile.

_If I ever wrote all this up, I’d put these two in a forbidden love affair. That would be hilarious._

“I’m sorry, but she’s sleeping. She was rather badly injured and the doctor we brought in said she is not to be disturbed.”

Knight-Commander Meredith nodded. “Please let us know when she is well enough for us to visit,” she said with unusual graciousness, her face also took on a softer expression, “We would like to thank her officially.”

Varric bowed slightly and the two most powerful people in Kirkwall trooped out.

The Knight-Captain stayed for a moment, “She is alright, isn’t she?” He asked with some concern. He and Hawke weren’t exactly friends but the man did seem to respect her.

“She’ll be fine, she just needs rest,” Varric said with a smile. This seemed to relieve the man, who followed his superior out.

Varric had just shut the door when Merrill and Anders came down the stairs.

“I can’t believe they were here!” Anders sounded angry.

“They just came to say hello to Hawke,” Merrill said happily. “First Enchanter Orsino is nice.”

Varric’s eyes widened, “Daisy, how do you know?”

“Oh, I meet him in the Viscount’s garden once, poor man. He was very nice.”

Varric didn’t ask further, at this point he didn’t want to know. Anders was trying to stifle a laugh.

“You can go see her if you like, Hawke’s awake.” He caught Merrill’s elbow, “Lets go get something to eat.”

Varric went up to see Hawke. She looked much better, the color had started to return to her face.

“Varric!” she smiled tiredly, “I was afraid they’d put me in solitary.”

“Broody and Rivani are still here, they just fell asleep on the couch.” That made her smile, he settled in the chair someone had placed next to the bed, “The Knight-Commander and the First Enchanter were here to see you.” Hawke looked alarmed, “They want to thank you, but I put them off for a few days.”

“Oh maker, thank you. I couldn’t handle them today. Did they run into Merrill or Anders?”

“No, they had sense enough to stay out of the way. The Knight-Commander and First Enchanter scared the shit out of Bodahn though, he actually called me Master Tethras.”

Hawke groaned, “Now he’ll be calling me Mistress Hawke again.”

They sat a while, Varric told Hawke about the new chapter in his Hard in Hightown series. She listened and made a few suggestions, mostly pointing out little plot holes. She was good at catching continuity errors.

Hawke started to nod off. Her head kept falling and she would jerk it up again.

Varric got up, “You need to rest. I’ll be back in the morning.” He patted her hand and she smiled gratefully. As Varric walked toward the Hanged Man, he realized Hawke had wanted to tell him something earlier.

_Oh well, couldn’t have been that important._

He promptly forgot about it again.

****

Varric returned in the morning to find Aveline and Donnic with Hawke. She was still in bed, but looked much better. She was smiling widely, practically beaming.

“Varric,” Aveline said, more warmly than usual.

“They’re getting married!” Hawke said happily.

Varric grinned and shook both Aveline and Donnic’s hands. Then he hopped up on the bed to sit next to Hawke and listen to the happy couple’s plans.

 


	21. The Champion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke, the Champion of Kirkwall.

“How does it feel to be Champion of Kirkwall?” Varric asked grinning.

Hawke just sort of shook her head, “It’s insane.”

They were sitting in her library. It had been twelve days since her duel but she was still bruised up and tired. Hawke’s recovery was going well though and she was able to walk around on her own.

She settled back in her chair, “It’s more important that they find a new Viscount. Poor Seamus.”

“At least Petrice didn’t get away with it.” Varric added, pouring himself and Hawke tea. Varric would have prefered something stronger but Hawke wasn’t up to alcohol.

“And Sebastian wonders why I don’t care for the Chantry,” Hawke sipped her tea.

“Choir Boy would wonder. Champion of Kirkwall though,” Varric whistled, “Quite the title.”

“Unpaid though,” Hawke said with her customary shrug.

“Yeah, that’s kind of rude,” Varric grinned again. “Hey, maybe they should make you Viscountess.”

Hawke almost dropped her teacup, “No! Absolutely not.”

“Say,” Varric said, suddenly remembering their conversation the other day, “You were trying to tell me something the other day when Rivaini interrupted.”

Hawke gave him a funny look, “Oh, it wasn’t… I just-”

Bodahn came in then leading Sebastian.

“Speak of the Choir Boy,” Varric muttered.

_There really is nothing really wrong with Sebastian except he's ridiculously boring and pious._

“Hello Hawke, Varric. How are you doing?” he asked warmly in that ridiculous accent of his. Hawke had once mentioned it was very sexy, but Varric disagreed. He thought it was rather annoying.

Sebastian was quite fond of Hawke, he’d even asked Varric rather sneakily if she was seeing anyone. Hawke seemed pretty fond of him too. Not that it mattered, Sebastian was a Chantry brother even if he was the worst Chantry brother of all time. He spent more time following Hawke about like a love sick puppy than praying. Well, he did pray a lot when they were out and about but still…

Hawke kept encouraging him to go home to Starkhaven and take over as prince. Hawke was worried about him wasting his life in Kirkwall, following her around. His people were leaderless and could fall prey to any pushy noble in the area. They were talking about it again Varric realized.

“Sebastian, I honestly don’t know why you stay here. Your people need you. You can act as a figurehead and leave the power in the peoples’ hands but they still need a figurehead to keep neighboring city states off their backs.”

“Hawke, I’m not going back. I’m a Chantry brother. Besides, I owe you. I need to stay and protect you.”

Hawke snorted, she was getting frustrated. “You keep hiding behind that. Even the Grand Cleric thinks you should go home. You’re using me as an excuse to avoid making life choices.”

Sebastian sighed, “Hawke, can we _please_ not discuss this right now.”

Hawke agreed and Sebastian asked after Hawke’s injuries some more then left rather quickly. Discussing Starkhaven was always a quick way to get rid of Sebastian.

“Did you get rid of him on purpose?” Varric was curious.

“Yeah,” Hawke said, shifting in her chair a little guiltily. “After Meredith and Orsino, I’m just too tired.”

Varric chuckled, sometimes Hawke could be so devious, and they sat in companionable silence.

****

Varric and Hawke were sitting in Varric’ living room. He was telling her about some of the goings on in the merchant’s guild.

“So now because of the new deal with Orzammar one of my second, or is it third, cousins is giving a reception,” Varric finished, draining his mug of ale.

“The deal should help speed up recovery,” Hawke said thoughtfully.

Kirkwall had begun to recover slowly from the qunari attack three months before, the influx of supplies from Orzammar should help.   

“Anyway, I’m supposed to bring a guest. Hawke, you want to come?”

Hawke blinked like a startled deer, which Varric thought was a little odd, but then responded, “Sure.” Then she hesitated a moment, “Is it formal dress?”

“Nope,” Varric said with a grin, that explained the funny look. Hawke wasn’t very good at formal dress, “You dodged that.”

Hawke smiled back.

 

 


	22. A Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke and Varric attend a party.

Varric’s family could be very loud. And that was putting it politely. Hawke was currently cornered by his elderly Aunt Helga. She wasn’t really his aunt. She was a sort of cousin or something, no one was really sure, but everyone called her Aunt Helga. Aunt Helga was practically shouting at Hawke who was trying her best to slip away without being rude. Varric came to her rescue.

“Excuse us Aunty, but I need a word with Hawke.”

“Alright Varric, but you bring her back when you’re done. I like her!” Aunt Helga shouted merrily and moved on to a new victim.

“Sorry,” Varric said leading Hawke out onto a empty terrace.

Hawke flopped into a chair, “She’s very nice.”

“But completely overwhelming?”

Hawke nodded vehemently and Varric chuckled, handing Hawke a glass of wine.

She accepted it but looked uncomfortable, “They keep asking me when you’re going to get married.”

Varric was taking a sip of his own wine and almost choked, “Andraste’s ass! Sorry about that. I didn’t realize they would be on you about it.”

Hawke shrugged, “It’s ok, my mother used to be on at me all the time. She once tried to set me up with Seneschal Bran’s son.”

Hawke didn’t often talk about her mother, so the confession was surprising. Varric couldn’t imagine Hawke being married to Seneschal Bran’s son, Brian. Varric had met him once. He was about Hawke’s age but Brian was a complete and utter bore, and about as interesting as a damp rag.

_Hawke couldn’t possibly marry someone like that._

But he did come from a respected family that could help solidify Hawke’s position in Kirkwall. It had always been a bit precarious because of all the magic in the Amell line and the fact that Leandra had run off with an apostate, who was Hawke’s father. But now that she was Champion…

All Varric could manage to say was, “Ahh.”

“I know she meant well, but it didn’t make it easy,” Hawke took a sip of her wine.

They were silent for a while. They finished their wine and Hawke sighed, “We should go back in. Your Aunt Helga made me promise to tell her about my adventures.” She headed inside but stopped just inside the door, “It’s been nice, Varric. Thank you for inviting me.”

 


	23. Epiphany

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric finally realizes he has feeling for Hawke.

Varric walked back to the Hanged Man. He’d accompanied Hawke home already. Something was bothering him. There was a nagging feeling in the back of his mind but he couldn’t figure out what it was.  

He went up to his room, had a nightcap and fussed with the draft for his newest chapter of _Swords and Shields_. He was trying to figure out a good romantic plot device for his lovelorn guard captain when it hit him.

_I was jealous of Hawke. When she told me about Brian earlier, I was jealous. With Choir Boy. With Blondie. Even when I thought Broody or Rivaini might be interested. I was jealous. I always think people are interested in Hawke and I always get jealous._

Sure, people teased Varric about being attached at the hip to Hawke. But it wasn’t like that, was it?

Varric’s mouth fell open.

_Yeah, it was like that. It is like that, it really is._

From the first time they’d met, he and Hawke had spent almost all their time together. Whenever either had problem, big or small, they were there for each other. When times were good, when they were bad, they were together. Varric and Hawke, inseparable.

_The anxiety I feel every time she’s injured, even minor things. I almost lost it when she fought the Arishok. I spend all my free time with her. I think about her almost constantly whenever she isn’t there. Shit, when did I fall for Hawke?_

He didn’t know. Varric knew he couldn’t say anything. He would not ruin the best friendship he’d ever had and Hawke hadn’t shown any interest in him other than friendship. Varric refused to do it. He would not strain their relationship, he would not risk losing Hawke.

_Get it together, Tethras. Never, ever let on. You can’t mess up the best thing in your life. Save it for when you’re old and gray. If you’re very good, it can be your deathbed confession and go in your memoirs._

Varric went to bed. His last thought before he finally fell asleep was that he had never been more grateful that dwarves didn’t dream.

 


	24. Bad Jokes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke, Varric, and Sebastian visit Orlais.

“Why are we trusting this assassin again?” Sebastian asked, his patience strained.

Hawke shook her head, “We’re not. Tallis isn’t telling us everything, and I want to find out what’s going on.”

“And taking advantage of free food,” Varric added.

“Yes, well. I’m not sure about this,” Sebastian frowned.

“Aww, look on the bright side Choir Boy. You can try to get the Orlesian court to renounce their sins and ask the Maker’s forgiveness,”  Varric smirked and Sebastian frowned more.

“Varric,” Hawke sounded weary. “We’ll leave in the morning.”

Sebastian nodded and smiled at Hawke, heading back to the Chantry.

“Why are we bringing Choir Boy? He’s so boring,” Varric groused.

“Sebastian is a prince. He’ll make a great distraction while we snoop about.”

“Curse your logical mind Hawke,” Varric joked.

“Thank you. And he’s not boring, Seb is very nice and quite funny in fact. He has a great sense of humor.”

“Mmmhmm,” Varric replied, “Sure.”

****

“That was a bit over the top.” Hawke commented as she peeked over the cliff the Duke had just fallen over.

“It would seem the Duke has fallen from grace,” Varric quipped.

Hawke and Sebastian looked at him for a moment, then burst out laughing.

“Wow, you two have a terrible sense of humor,” Tallis said, even though she was smirking. Sebastian looked sheepish, but Hawke just shrugged.

“We do,” Hawke agreed with a small smile and Sebastian started laughing again.


	25. A Wedding

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Aveline and Donnic get married.

Aveline and Donnic’s wedding was quite the affair. The ceremony itself was small, just their closest friends and Donnic’s mother, and they held it at Hawke’s house. The reception though was much bigger. They opened the house and the doors to the garden. Lanterns were strung across the length and breadth of the garden and tables had been set up for the guest as well as a dancing area.

Everyone was having a good time. Aveline danced, several times, both with her new husband and some friends. She even danced a jig with Isabela, and they managed not to call each other too many rude names.   

The party was winding down and the bride and groom were getting ready to leave when Aveline pulled him aside.

“Varric, thank you for helping Hawke put this together.”

“You’re welcome Red,” Aveline was in a good mood, she chuckled at the hated nickname instead of snapping at him like usual. “You and Donnic enjoy your honeymoon in Orlais.”

“Hmmm,” she said, but wasn’t angry, “I just wish all my friends were as happy. Varric, are you ever going to tell Hawke?”

“Tell Hawke what?”

“I know how much you care about Hawke,” Aveline said with a sigh. “You ought to tell her.”

Varric tried to play the wide-eyed innocent, but it didn’t come off well, “I have no idea-”

“Varric. You’re in love with the woman,” she cut him off. “If you don’t go for her, you’ll never have a chance of getting her.”

Aveline patted his shoulder and left him standing in the corner of the garden with just his thoughts.

 


	26. Expectations

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke finds her father's will.

Hawke squeezed her eyes shut against her father’s words. He hadn’t wanted his child to be a mage.

“Hawke. He loved you,” Varric whispered giving her hand a tentative squeeze.

“It’s just... hard,” she sighed. “I miss him. I miss them all.”

“You still have us, Hawke.”

She looked down at Varric, squeezing his hand back.

“Come on, we’ve got some kind of crazy darkspawn thing to stop,” Varric pulled her gently forward.

They made it to the tower fairly easily after they finished the stupid light puzzle lock.

_Who the hell comes up with this shit?_

Now, they were faced with giant, talking darkspawn abomination _after_ they’d already had to fight off the crazed wardens.

“Well. Fuck,” said Hawke in a flat voice. Aveline tsked but Isabela laughed.

Varric chuckled as he shifted Bianca.

_This is going to be interesting._

 


	27. A Public Shouting Match

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Meredith and Orsino are arguing in public.

“Hello Varric,” Hawke came in and sat at his table. It was early in the morning but Varric was up writing letters. He’d got into the habit of getting up early over his years of knowing Hawke.

“Hawke! What brings you out this fine day?”

Hawke shrugged. “To see you… And to get away from Anders and Merrill. They were arguing again last night and now they’re both pouting.”

Varric grunted. Anders and Merrill quarrelled sometimes. They usually left each other alone  but sometimes things would come to a head and they’d have a shouting match. It was sort of like watching a shipwreck. At least they didn’t bicker as much as Anders and Fenris.

The two years since the battle with the Arishok had been relatively quiet for Kirkwall but the templars and mages were getting worse. Hawke was trying to keep her apostate housemates lying low, but they were chafing.

Hawke settled into a chair and helped herself to some coffee. Varric couldn’t help but watch her lift the cup delicately to her lips and sip. Varric looked away. He’d do so well, then little things like the way she sipped her coffee would catch him off guard. He would not envy a coffee cup.

“So,” he said smoothly. “Plans for today?”

Hawke shook her head. A small, happy sigh escaped her lips, she enjoyed coffee, “Just some errands. Care to come?”

Varric accepted and followed Hawke out of the Hanged Man. He’d gotten very good at acting completely normal since his revelation. He hardly ever stared at Hawke or caught himself daydreaming. He did find himself trying to make her smile or laugh more. Hawke and her lyrium blue eyes, her serious expression, her still too rare smiles. She was so different from Bianca's quick temper and careless attitude towards everything but her inventions. He loved her all the more for it.

Varric had come to accept that he really was in love with Hawke. She may not love him back, but that didn’t matter. They were best friends, he loved her, and it was enough.  Aveline hadn’t brought it up again since her wedding, but Varric caught her watching them sometimes. He just wasn’t willing to risk it.

_Besides, you’re just destined for doomed romances Tethras._

“Varric are you ok?” Hawke asked, looking at him her head tilted to one side.

“Yeah, just thinking,” he smiled at her. He hadn’t meant to get lost in thought.

“Okay,” she shrugged. Hawke gave him a puzzled look but didn’t question him.

They ended up in Hightown and somehow found themselves in front of the Chantry. There was a rather large crowd and Varric could hear the Knight Commander and the First Enchanter arguing. Hawke pushed her way through the crowd, Varric close behind. When they got to the arguing pair, Hawke slipped between them.

"This is rather beneath you both, quarreling in the streets like a pair of drunken fishwives," Hawke said, it was quiet but shut the pair up momentarily.

“No offense to the drunken fishwives,” Varric muttered. Hawke shot him a glare, but her lips twitched showing one of her dimples.

Meredith and Orsino took this as a good time to start arguing again. Each demanded Hawke support them. Meredith wanted Hawke to swear her loyalty to her as the regent and Orsino wanted Hawke to denounce Meredith and swear to find a new viscount.

Hawke was much more patient than Varric would have been. She was trying to stop them from arguing when Grand Cleric Elthina come out of the Chanty.

“Enough, both of you. This is a disgraceful way to act. This won’t be solved today.” She raised her hands and her voice, “All of you go home!”

The Knight-Commander, the First Enchanter, and the crowd all slunk off. The Grand Cleric turned to Hawke, “Thank you for trying to break them up, child. The sister who fetched me thought they were going to come to blows.”

“They nearly did,” Hawke shook her head. “Ma’am, if you would put your support behind one of the candidates for viscount, we wouldn’t have such an issue. Meredith has no right to keep playing dictator.”

Varric was caught off guard by Hawke’s political pronouncement. She usually tried to stay out of politics, but she felt strongly about this. She was right too, Kirkwall needed a real leader instead of the volatile Knight-Commander.

“It’s not that simple,” Grand Cleric Elthina sighed.

“You could at least announce you support the the election and transition of power to a new viscount,” Hawke countered, her eyes and voice stealy. She had one eyebrow raised and her head was tilted slightly as she peered up at the Grand Cleric.

“I will… consider it, child,” The Grand Cleric said before retreating into the Chantry.

Varric snorted, “That means she intends to do nothing.”

Hawke sighed, “I know. She doesn’t really care about the mages or the templars. She hopes if she doesn’t do anything, it will magically go away. Elthina has a nice, cushy position of power and she won’t put her ass on the line by doing the right thing.” Hawke really did feel strongly about this.

“Maybe not magically, but by the Maker’s blessing?” Varric said darkly. This got a small snort of laughter from Hawke.

 


	28. Red Lyrium

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric finds a fragment of red lyrium.

Varric held the piece of red lyrium. He couldn’t help but look at it.

_I should keep this._

Hawke smacked it out of his hand then shook him by the shoulders.

“Varric! You can’t keep that. I will not let you end up like Bartrand. Varric!” Hawke yelled at him.

Varric jerked backed into reality.

“Hawke,” he stammered, “I-I don’t know what I was thinking.”

Hawke looked relieved, Fenris and Isabela were outside out already. It was just the two of them in the hall.

“Maker! You scared me,” Hawke’s face did look rather pale and she was shaking a little. She gave him a fierce hug, “Don’t do that to me again.”

“I won’t,” he promised. He hugged her back then looked nervously over at the red lyrium, “We need to get rid of this thing.”

“Sandal,” Hawke said. “I think he may be able to do something with this.”

Varric agreed. He let her lead him out of the house.

“Isabela, can you please make sure Varric gets home ok?” Hawke asked.

“No! I want to come with you,” Varric objected.

Hawke looked apprehensive but relented. “Okay,” she shrugged, “I’ll see you two tomorrow then.” Their companions nodded and set off.

Varric and Hawke headed back to the Estate. She had to walk slowly, Varric still felt weak, but he didn’t hear the singing anymore.

Hawke let them in and got Sandal up. “Can you make this safe?” she gave him the red lyrium.

Sandal looked at it, an uncharacteristically serious expression on his face. “Enchantment,” he proclaimed and took the lyrium. 

Hawke and Varric watched while the dwarf fashioned the lyrium into a rune.

“Safe now,” he said with a smile as he finished and handed the red rune to Hawke.

She looked at it for a moment then handed it to Varric. He took it gingerly but didn’t hear the singing or the voices this time.

“You should keep this,” he said trying to give it back to her.

“No, I think you should,” she said firmly and headed toward the kitchen. “This calls for cake.”

Varric chuckled, “You always think with your stomach.”

“Come on Sandal, cake for you too. You did a very good job,” Hawke said.

The boy happily followed them.

“Cake! Cake! I like Miss Orana’s cake,” Sandal grinned, “Is it strawberry?”

“It is indeed, Sandal,” Hawke smiled.

“Hurrah!”

 


	29. Confessions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric and Hawke finally spill the beans.

Hawke and Varric were sitting in her library, eating their cake. Orana was a great cook and even two days old, the cake was delicious. Strawberry was also one of Varric’s favorites. Sandal had taken his cake off to his room and everyone else was asleep, leaving the Amell Estate unusually quiet.

Varric had finished his piece but Hawke was still eating hers. She ate slowly, savoring every bite. She always did that with any sort of sweet. No matter how much money she had now, Hawke remembered having nothing.

Varric chuckled, “I love the way you savor your sweets.” He regretted the wording immediately, but Hawke didn’t seem to notice.

“You grew up here, it’s not so strange for you. I’ll never get used to it. We never had anything so fancy growing up.” Hawke smiled at him, “It’s funny to me, the way you just sit there and eat like it’s nothing. You stay so calm. It’s one of the things I love about you.”

Varric blinked.

_One of the things she loves?_

He didn’t say anything, he looked into the fire.

_It’s just an expression. People used it all the time with friends._

Varric looked back to Hawke, forced himself to look her in the face. She looked like she was blushing just slightly.

_But what if it's not just an expression? Am I imaging it? Why was she… Could she… Was it possible?_

“Hawke… d- do you?” His words failed him. He, Varric Tethras, actually stuttered.

Hawke gave him that funny look she sometimes had as finished her last bite of cake and put her plate down carefully.

“Varric, are you asking me if I’m interested in you?”

“I know, it’s stupid. I never meant…I wasn’t...Forget it.”

“No. Remember when I wanted to talk you something, the day after I fought the Arishok? That was it. Then today, with the Red Lyrium, I thought I was going to lose you.”

He remembered the partial conversation, but he’d never imagined _this_ was what she wanted to talk about.

Hawke watched him, but when he didn’t respond she turned to look at the fire. She looked like she was thinking deeply about something. Varric felt like dancing. And singing. He wasn’t even drunk! Only he seemed to be frozen.

_Move! Damn you!_

Varric took a step toward Hawke. “Hawke,” his voice betrayed his excitement, but she didn’t seem to notice. Varric moved closer, “Lutetiana?”

Hawke’s head jerked to look at him. Her eyebrows shot up at the stupid smile plastered across his face but she was already smiling.

_She’d been giving me time to decide._

Varric leaned in over the arm of the chair and kissed her. It was a little awkward, he was a little overeager. She tasted like the strawberry cake. She wrapped her arms around his neck and kissed back. It was soft but fierce like she’d wanted to do this for a long time.

“Really?” Varric asked quietly when they finally separated.

“Really.”

Varric couldn’t help but laugh as Hawke grinned from ear to ear.

_Her dimples are huge!_

Hawke let go of his neck but grabbed his hand and pulled him over to the couch. They sat next to each other, she was facing him and holding his hands looking at him earnestly.

“When?” she asked.

“I want to say it was when you asked for our deal in writing, that would be very dwarven of me. But I’m not a very good dwarf,” Varric chuckled. “Honestly, I’m not sure,” he looked into her bright, blue eyes, “What about you?”

“After I came and cried in your room and you were so nice, I realized I was starting to care about you. I realized how really far gone I was after we found your brother. When you cried, I - I thought my heart would break.”

“All that time? Shit, I’m dense.” Varric cupped the side of her face with her hand, “Oh Hawke. I only realized that I was head over ass in love with you after that stupid reception of my cousin’s. Then I was too afraid I’d screw up our friendship to tell you. I don’t care if it’s too soon. Hawke, I really do love you.”

Her eyes opened as wide as they possibly could.

“Oh!” She leaned forward and kissed him. Over and over. One hand ran through his hair, pushing out his pony tail. Her fingers brushed lightly over his chest. He ran a hand over the shorn back of her hair, making her shiver.

“We’re both so impossibly stupid. I never had the courage...” she started to laugh and didn’t finish her sentence so he gave her another kiss. Then he picked her up and carried her back over her chair. The couch wasn’t very comfortable, too much space between them. She still didn’t weigh much, much less than a dwarf her size would.

_Not that dwarves got quite as tall as Hawke. Except my cousin Hilda, but there was supposedly some elf or human in her part of the family. Oh maker, why are you thinking about this now, you idiot?_

It was easy to lift her, but Hawke actually giggled.

“Well, well. My Hawke’s a giggler.”

_My Hawke. It feels so good to say._

“My Varric is quite strong,” she breathed into his ear, then half sobbed while she laughed, “Maker, but I love you.”

She held him tight and buried her face in his neck. Varric was the happiest he had ever been, holding her and feeling her smile against his neck.

“Aveline will be thrilled,” Varric said after a while.

“Aveline?” Hawke brushed the hair out of her eyes, sitting up a little to get a better look at him. Her fingers went back to his hair and she twirled it absently.

“Mmmm, she urged me to confess my love to you at her wedding reception.”

“Really?” Hawke sat up for a moment, open-mouthed, “Damn. She’s way more observant than I gave her credit for.” Varric’s head tilted questioningly. “She said the same to me.”

Varric laughed. It was too good.

“Don’t laugh, so did your aunt.”

“Aunt Helga?”

Hawke nodded, “She asked right after we came in from the terrace. I’ve also had Isabela after me for ages.”

Varric groaned, “Oh, my poor Hawke!”

“I think,” Hawke said slowly, “I deserve a kiss to make up for it.”

Varric quite agreed and delivered the justly deserved kiss right away.

 


	30. A Crow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ZEVRAN!

Hawke actually laughed at the elven assassin.

“The Warden Brosca must have her hands full with you,” she snickered.

“Oh yes, but you see she wields a big axe so I tend to behave better around her,” Zevran waggled his eyebrows in a way that Varric could only describe as suggestive.

“I remember. I met her once, at Ostagar. It was a very large axe,” she was still smiling. “Well, Zevran Arainai. It’s been nice meeting you. If you’re out here again, stop by and see us some time. Feel free to bring the Warden, if she can come.”

The ex-crow laughed and, with a flurid bow, departed.

Varric huffed a little.

_Damn, but he was good looking. And Warden or no he was blatantly flirting with Hawke._

“Don’t look so cross,” Hawke said, nudging him with an elbow. “You’re the only one for me. He was just funny. And he reminded me of someone.”

“Who?”

“Sebastian.”

“What?” Varric almost tripped.

She rolled her eyes and chuckled.  

“I’m kidding. I was thinking of Isabela. Remember how much she flirted with me for fun when we first met? Zevran seems to be the same way. He flirts for fun, it doesn’t mean anything.”

Varric laughed, she was right. Hawke leaned over to kiss his cheek, nuzzling his stubble a little. He reached around and held her around the waist as they headed back into Kirkwall.

 


	31. A Proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A proposal is made.

“Was that Broody I saw slinking off into the night?” Varric asked letting himself into Hawke’s room.

He was a little disappointed to find her at the desk and not getting ready for bed. He came up behind her and kissed her neck as a conciliatory prize.

“Yes,” she said, squirming a little at the tickle from his stubble. She turned to kiss him before continuing her writing.

“He’s forgiven you for what happened with his sister then?”

Hawke replied, “Hey, I didn’t say you could stop to that.”

Varric chuckled and went back to leaving a trail of kisses over her neck.

“Fenris came to say that, oohhh, um,” Hawke got slightly distracted for a moment, “Ah, he would have regretting killing his sister. He’s finally moving on now that Danarius is dead.”

Hawke finished with her writing and dabbed her parchment before corking her ink and cleaning off her quill.

“Good for him,” Varric said as Hawke got up and put her papers in her chest. Varric watched her put them away then move to the wardrobe and root around.

“What are you looking for?” he asked curiously.

“Something for you, it’s here… ah,” she emerged with a wooden box.

Varric started to move toward her.

“No,no go back and sit on the chair. I kind of wanted to do this a little different but, something Fenris said started me thinking,” Hawke took a deep breath and handed the box to Varric.

Varric opened it and almost dropped the box. On a piece of velvet in the bottom, was a ring with Hawke’s family crest.

“My mother gave it to my father when they got married,” she said nervously, “I was hoping it would fit you.”

“Are you asking me to marry you?” Varric was in shock.

“Um, yeah. Is that ok?”

“”Yes! Yes, Hawke, yes!” Varric put the box down and hopped up to kiss his fiance.

“Oh, good,” she kissed him back.

****

Hawke was cuddled against Varric. “I don’t want to get up. It’s my Nameday. I should get to sleep in for once.”

They were in Varric room at the Hanged Man, too many people trooped in and out of Hawke’s place.

Hawke burrowed against him giving a few light kissed on the base of his throat before pretending to be asleep.

“Fine, a little while longer,” Varric wrapped his arms around her and listened to her breathing as she actually fell back to sleep.

Hawke didn’t stay asleep long though.

“Hey, you awake?” she asked him some time later.

“Yes. Are you?”

“No. But I’m getting up anyway.”

Varric chuckled.

She didn’t get up too quickly though. “Varric, are you ok with not having a Chantry ceremony? I know you believe in Andraste,” she looked up at him, from where she was still snuggled against his neck.

“Of course I am, I wouldn’t have agreed if I wasn’t. Besides, once Choir Boy blesses us I figure that’s more than enough Chantry for everyone and a Dalish wedding will be nice.”

Their planned marriage was not common knowledge, in fact only their closest friends and Hawke’s cousin Charade knew about it. They were to be married by Keeper Marethari shortly, though Sebastian had said he planned to give them an impromptu Chantry ceremony.

“I love you,” Hawke said, kissing his nose lightly.

“I love you too,” Varric grinned. “Now let’s get some breakfast, I’m starving.”

They dressed and had their breakfast.

“I’m worried about Anders,” Hawke said finally. “He’s getting worse.”

Varric nodded, “I’ve noticed.”

“He almost killed that little girl,” Hawke shook her head at the memory.

“I know, but he didn’t. All we can do is what we’re doing already: Try to help and protect him.”

Hawke nodded, “It just seems like it’s not helping. He wanted me to go to the Chantry to distract the Grand Cleric for some reason. I told him no, but I went and warned her that something was going on. I don’t like her but that doesn’t mean she shouldn’t know that her people might be in danger.”

Varric didn’t know that, “Shit Hawke, she didn’t listen though did she?”

“No, she didn’t. She never does.”

 


	32. All Good Things Come to an End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The situation in Kirkwall explodes.

“Kill him Hawke! He wants it and he deserves it for what he’s done!”

“How dare you!” she rounded on Sebastian, fire in her eyes.

Sebastian’s mouth hung slack. “I’m sorry, Hawke,” he said thickly. “I spoke in anger it was wrong of me.”

She gave him a sharp nod and turned back to Anders. “Get up, you’re going to help fix this. I will not turn you into a martyr and I will not have your blood on my hands too.”

Hawke broke them into smaller parties and they headed toward the Gallows.

Varric followed Hawke closely. She had brought Anders with them and sent Sebastian with Aveline. Fenris had insisted on coming with them too. Hawke let him, he was always good in a fight. He kissed Rivani quickly on the cheek before parting. Hawke gave Isabela a nod which Isabela returned with a mouthed “ _Thanks babe_ ”. She knew Hawke would keep an eye on him for her. Varric adjusted Bianca. He would keep an eye on Hawke.

They fought their way across the city. Mages were turning into abominations left, right, and sideways while templars were attacking anything that moved. They managed to find a few mages and templars that weren’t out of their minds and set them to helping the civilians escape.

They made it to the gallows but had to fight their way through to where the First Enchanter and his remaining people were holed up.

Aveline’s group met them there. Much to everyone’s relief.

“Donnic’s okay,” she told Hawke. “He’s got the guard defending the citizens.”

They took a few minutes. The templars were waiting to attack again. Hawke checked on everyone before coming to talk to Varric.

“Varric,” she said.

She was exhausted already.

“No speeches Hawke,” he reached up to caress her cheek.

“Shut up and kiss me, huh? I can do that,” and she did.

Isabela whooped, interrupting them and they turned just in time to see her grab Fenris. She actually dipped him while she kissed him quite thoroughly. They couldn’t help but chuckle at that. When Isabela set him on his feet again, his was blushing bright pink but was obviously quite pleased.

“Just don’t die Hawke, we’re still newlyweds,” Varric added seriously.

_Why, less than three weeks after their wedding, did everything have to go to hell?_

“I’ll try,” she kissed him gently once more before getting into position to fight their way out.

****

Orsino was dead. He’d become an abomination and Hawke had killed him. Meredith was dead too. She’d become a red lyrium statue. Knight-Captain Cullen had finally stood up to his commander and helped them. Hawke was healing the gash to his face now. He was lucky, if it had been a little farther over or slightly deeper it would have been bad. As it was, he’d have a nice sexy lip scar to impress the ladies.

Anders was badly hurt but not dead. He’d taken one final blow for Hawke from Meredith’s sword. He’d stayed conscious just long enough to apologize. It was going to be quite a shock for him when he woke up and found out he wasn’t dead.

Hawke was alive. That was the important part.

_His Hawke was alive._

 


	33. A Tale of a Champion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric tells his version of the story.

“I want to write a book about you.” Varric said. They were sitting in a tent somewhere in the middle of nowhere between Kirkwall and Starkhaven.

Hawke’s eyebrow shot up. “About me?”

“Yes. I want to call it ‘ _The Tale of the Champion_ ’. What do you think?”

Hawke shrugged, “Finally compiling all those fabrications you’ve been spreading about me for years? The ones where I’m a witty and charming and dashing heroine?”

“Something like that.”

Hawke laughed softly, “Fine, but promise me one thing.”

“What?”

“I want to be six feet tall with alabaster skin and raven black hair,” she said.

Varric laughed, then stopped when he looked at her expression, “You’re serious.”

“Dead serious,” Hawke nodded. “People love your stories, if you say I’m a six foot tall warrior princess, then I am.” She shrugged again, “It’ll make it easier to disappear. Besides, most people only remember that stupid red paint across my nose.” She hadn’t worn it since leaving Kirkwall.

“I don’t know…” he said, “It’s a sensible plan, but…” Hawke was just so… Hawke.

“Please,” she whispered, “And leave us out of it. Make something up, invent me a tragic love story. I don’t care, but I don’t want anyone coming after you.” She looked so worried.

Varric gave an exasperated sigh, “Fine. I never can say no to you.”

Hawke sighed in relief then came to sit on his lap. She stroked his cheek then ran her hand over Varric’s chest letting her fingers tangle in his chest hair a little while she nuzzled into his neck. “Thank you love,” she whispered right in his ear before she leaned in to kiss him deeply.

“Oh Hawke, you worry too much.” He held her tight, “I’ll do it but _I_ have one condition.”

“What?”

“I get to describe your beautiful eyes just as they are.”

“Flatterer,” she leaned in and kissed him again, smiling this time.

****

“If you discover Hawke’s location, let us know dwarf,” the Seeker said.

A short, blonde woman with olive skin came in bringing the Seeker a letter. She took it with a grunt and waved the woman out. She left but Varric saw a flash of lyrium blue eyes and a small smile.

“You may go,” the Seeker dismissed him. Cassandra called to the servant who was still walking down the hall and told her to escort Varric out.

They were out the door and halfway to their safehouse when Varric spoke, “I told her everything.”

‘“Everything?” Hawke said softly, “That was fast.”

“Well, not everything. Not about us,” He brushed her hand softly with his fingertips, “Or your looks. Or your real name. She still looking for a six foot tall Marian Hawke with jet black hair and alabaster skin.”

“Raven hair, dear.”

Varric snorted softly, “Whatever. But that was foolish love, what if she recognized you?’

“Not a chance. Almost everyone who knows what I really look like is either dead or wouldn’t say,” she flashed him a quick smile, “And I really needed to know if I had to rescue my trusty dwarf. I couldn’t live without him.”

 


	34. The Truth Comes Out

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Varric is caught in his lie.

“You knew where she was all along!” Cassandra shoved him.

“Damn right I did!”

“You conniving little shit,” Cassandra took a swing at him but missed.

The Inquisitor had come in and behind him…

_Shit. Hawke._

“You kidnapped me! You interrogated me! What did you expect?” Varric tried to maneuver the angry Seeker away from Hawke.

“I expected the truth! I told you what was at stake,” Cassandra was after him again but Hawke stepped in. She used one of those crazy moves of hers that landed large, fierce warriors on their backsides. Cassandra looked up at her assailant, “What?”

“What is going on here?” The Inquisitor demanded as he helped Cassandra to her feet. She wasn’t hurt, just surprised. He stayed between her and Hawke who had moved to check on Varric.

“She’s mad because I didn’t sell Hawke out. What was I supposed to tell her _‘Hey, Hawke this zealot isn’t bat-shit crazy. I swear_!’ I’d never do that to her!” Varric said. Hawke put her hand on his shoulder.

The Inquisitor was trying to calm Cassandra, “We needed someone to lead the Inquisition! The Hero of Ferelden was missing. And so was Hawke. We thought it connected but it was just you! You kept her from us!”

“You have someone to lead you now,” Hawke spoke up, “I was a terrible choice anyway.”

“You were? Wait. _You’re_ Hawke?” Cassandra was flabbergasted. She stopped moving.

“Yes, that’s Hawke,” The Inquisitor said, trying to sound soothing. His thick, Dalish accent helped. He shot Hawke a smile, “She’s here to help. She’s been helping, looking for the Wardens. She knows where the Hero of Ferelden is too, more or less.”

“You… you don’t look... Wait, I know you! You worked for us in Kirkwall!” Cassandra’s mouth hung open.

“I did, that’s how I knew I wasn’t a good choice,” Hawke shrugged. “Varric made me much more impressive in his stories. I couldn’t lead all this,” she made a small gesture to with one hand.

“But you - you could have saved the Most Holy. And… and after the Conclave we needed you!” Cassandra said, starting to push the Dalish man forward again.

Hawke just shook her head.

“Hawke would just be dead. You people have done enough to her,” Varric said angrily.

Hawke made a gesture to shush him, she didn’t want him making the Seeker any more angry.

“You can’t change the past Lady Cassandra,” the Inquisitor said softly.

“Then do I have to accept that the Maker… That he,” Cassandra’s voice cracked like she was going to cry.

Hawke stepped forward and took the Seeker’s hand, “Believe me I know how you feel. Your lovely Inquisitor does too,” she put Cassandra’s hand in the Inquisitor’s and Cassandra seemed to calm visably. Varric was amazed.

“We have to work together, Lady Cassandra,” the Inquisitor gave Hawke a thankful nod as he spoke.

She nodded but shot Varric a nasty look, “Fine.”

The Inquisitor and Hawke turned to Varric.

“Yeah,” Varric said before Hawke shuffled him out, leaving the Inquisitor and the Seeker alone.

Hawke grabbed his hand and she practically dragged him to his room. He cooled down considerably during the trip.

When they were alone Varric couldn’t help but ask, “Lovely Inquisitor? Really Hawke?”

“Oh, he’s sweet and quite enamored of the Seeker. It’s adorable,” she pulled him over to the couch and they sat down she tucked her feet up and put her head on his shoulder. “I’ve missed you. So much,” she reached up and kissed his cheek before settling back down.

“I missed you,” he put his arm around her, “How are the kids?”

“Anders is with the Warden Commander. She’s looking after him, keeping him safe. Isabela and Fenris are doing well. She took him to visit Rivain before heading back to fight more slavers. She’s actually asked him to stick around permanently, as her partner.”

“You’re kidding!”

“Nope. Isabela said she wanted him as her first mate, literally and such. No backsies or something like that. Fenris was pleased as punch.”

Varric chuckled, pleased. “Good for them, those crazy kids. How’s Daisy?”

“Doing well. She’s got a whole network of people working to help elves in cities and villages. A few of the Dalish are even helping now. Probably the Inquisitor’s influence. And she seems to have found someone, though I don’t know the details. They’ve been writing, she’s some kind of researcher or something with the Inquisition. I believe her name is Dagna?”

“Oh maker, Daisy and Dagna! What a pair!” Varric laughed.

“You know her?”

“Oh yeah, I’ll introduce you. You’ll get a kick out of her.”

“Interesting,”  Hawke said. She thought of Merrill as a sister and was rather protective of her.

“Hmm. Most important question now, how are you?”

“Been better, been worse.”

Varric moved to kiss her, she sighed, “Slightly more to the better side now. You?”

“Good, now that you’re here. You see old Captain Noodles?”

“I did, I can see why you decided to call him Curly instead. How are the lyrium withdrawals going?”

“Not too bad, they could be a lot worse. He’s got a pretty, little girlfriend too. A mage, believe it or not. The Inquisitor’s sister.”

“No!”

“Yes!”

“Well, well,”  she snuggled into Varric, “Loves blooms at the Inquisition.”

Varric leaned his head on Hawke’s, they were quiet for a while. She drifted off to sleep. Varric followed soon after. They were rudely awakened when Cassandra opened the door. Varric could have kicked himself for forgetting to lock it.

“Varric I…” she stopped her mouth hanging open, “You! The two of you!”

The Inquisitor peeked around her, a pained expression on his face.

Hawke stood, “I made him promise not to put us in his story, Seeker Cassandra.” She stood as tall as she could, “I was afraid it would make him a target. I wanted to protect my husband.”

‘Husband?” Cassandra spluttered.

The Inquisitor snaked through, a happy smile on his face.

_Andraste’s ass but Hawke is right, he is sweet._

He shook Hawke’s hand then Varric’s, grinning. He babbled something at them in elvhen.

“The traditional Dalish wedding blessing. Thank you,” Hawke beamed at the young man.

_Of course you’d remember that. Ha!_

Cassandra looked disgruntled, but her little Inquisitor’s enthusiasm had blunted her anger as had her own sense of romance.

“I think I understand now why you worked so hard to protect her,” she conceded. Cassandra almost looked like she wanted to smile.

“He would have done the same if we were just friends,” Hawke smiled at Varric. “He’s a loyal friend, you can believe that.”

The Seeker gave her a sharp nod then she and the Inquisitor left. Varric got up and locked the door. Pointedly.

“Now, back to our reunion.”

Hawke laughed and wrapped her arms around him.

 


	35. From the Fade

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawke and Varric enter the Fade with the Inquisitor at Adamant.

“No one is staying!” The Inquisitor shouted then he pushed the warden and Hawke out of the Fade rift. It took them both by surprise and they both fell rather unceremoniously to the ground. The Inquisitor jumped out after them and closed the rift quickly.

The ugly whispers from the Fade were still fresh in his mind.

_She's dead! Andraste, she's dead!_  

Varric rushed over to Hawke an found her to be very much alive. Cassandra helped her little Inquisitor. The Inquisitor was shaken, but not badly injured. The warden was fine as well and already on his feet. Hawke, however, had landed wrong and broken her leg. Varric picked her up carried her to a more comfortable place. Solas followed behind to help heal her. They left the Inquisitor to clear up the Warden mess.

Solas set Hawke’s leg and healed it quickly. “It will be sore and tender to the touch for a while. Be careful,” he said then, with a nod to Varric, left them.

“Would you really have stayed?” Varric asked softly.

“If I had to,” Hawke said with a small shrug, “But the Inquisitor. Maker, he saved my life.” She bit off a sob.

“I know Hawke,” Varric rubbed her back and she leaned against him. “I know. If we ever have kids, let’s name one after him,” Varric added, “As a thank you.”

“When we have kids,” Hawke said. No matter how long they had to wait, she would never give up.

“When,” Varric agreed. “I love you.”

Hawke kissed his cheek, “I love you too.”


End file.
